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Overheard in S.F.: Woman Demands Street Preacher Stop Damning Sailors 

Wednesday, Oct 26 2011

Ranters: Megaphone Preacher Man, Miniskirt Woman, and a sailor

Time: 10 p.m. on a Fleet Week Friday

Location: Columbus & Broadway

Topics Covered: How long strip clubs stain the soul; the rights secured us by our military; how it's noble to please a hero; constitutional basics.

[Drunk and holding hands, Miniskirt Woman and a sailor wait at the corner for the light to change. Megaphone Preacher Man harangues the crowd, including some Marines and Navy men who have emerged from the neighboring strip clubs.]

Megaphone Preacher: When you look at these young girls and remember them later when you are alone with that lust in your heart, it will be written in your eternal book, and that book will be opened in Hell —

Miniskirt Woman: Oh, shut up, would you? These guys have been overseas fighting for your freedom to stand out here and be an asshole!

[Megaphone Preacher talks on, not listening.]

Miniskirt Woman: And if they want to look at some girls when they finally get the chance, who are you to judge? Are you Jesus? What gives you the right?

[The light changes. The crowd pushes into the street, but Miniskirt Woman stays still, despite the urging of the sailor on her arm. Megaphone Preacher talks on.]

Miniskirt Woman: Listen to me, you piece of shit! You think a bunch of soldiers getting an eyeful after what they've been through is a sin? It's an honor! It's an honor for any American girl to show them what they've got!

[Impatient, the sailor pulls her intothe crosswalk.]

That place up there didn't even charge us a cover! You know why? Because these are heroes, and they fucking deserve it, and I'm not going to let some pissant little hater like you shit on them! You're just another Taliban!

[Miniskirt Woman is hoarse, but she is screaming, almost crying, as the sailor pulls her up Broadway.]

You're some Jesus Taliban that doesn't have the right! You wouldn't last five minutes in the desert! What gives you the right?

Sailor: The Bill of Rights. Now hurry up.

About The Author

Alan Scherstuhl


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