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The Snatch: Two Ways to Sleep Like a Baby 

Wednesday, Sep 9 2015
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100% Conscience Free

As the Chronicle's Summer of Shitty Opinions transitions into a Fall of No Compassion, columnist Debra J. Saunders continues to press her grievance against the beleaguered.

Saunders recently compared New York City to her San Francisco and found Manhattan smelled sweeter. She suggests the reason for the disparity is pride (and Republican leadership). New Yorkers are proud of having shiny sidewalks, while San Franciscans are proud of not being dicks (or something).

Saunders also published a letter from reader Marc Vandenplas, who brags of telling people on the street "just how disgusted" he is with their existence. Vandenplas recounts the time he "systematically played good Samaritan" to a homeless man by waking him up every time he saw him sleeping in a park and telling him to pick up the trash (i.e. do a job that the city employs people to do, for free).

Even Saunders says that she doesn't have "the brass" to be quite that big of a dick, but she does think Vandenplas is "on to something" with his approach.

We might suggest that Saunders and Vandenplas should worry about being woken up in the middle of the night by their own nagging doubts, but who are we kidding? They probably sleep like babies.

Pod People

If you search Craigslist "rooms & shares" for a space in Glen Park under $600, only one option comes up — and it's a blast from the fucking future.

A "comfortable sleeping pod" is available in somebody's "clean, spacious garage." Kind of like a cross between a tanning bed and the chamber that Jeff Goldblum emerged from in The Fly, the pod apparently features soothing ultraviolet light, a fluorescent-ring vanity mirror, and, hopefully, enough oxygen to keep you conscious once the pod hatch closes.

Lest you think $600 is pricey for what's basically a tricked out Speed Racer bed, the pod includes all utilities, plus access to the main house's bathroom, kitchen, and living room. Sure, the garage holding the pod looks snuff-film stark, but didn't you love the smell of fresh gasoline as a kid?

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