Fall is the sexiest season in San Francisco. After surviving the June gloom we finally get our heat wave, just in time to sweat up a storm in our best leather and latex at the Folsom Street Fair. (Sept. 27, folsomstreetfair.com) But there's no need to squeeze all of your flesh and perversions into just one day of dress up. Bay Area perverts are just getting started, and this autumn is shaping up to be perhaps the steamiest yet.
Weeks before Folsom even dusts off its chaps, three incredibly sexy events are gracing the Bay Area on the same night. However will you choose? Well, if you play your cards right, you just might be able to hit all three.
Morpheous's Bondage Extravaganza (Sept. 12, mbeworldwide.com) isn't hosted by Laurence Fishburne. Regardless, it promises to be a mind-expanding event, even if you don't escape the Matrix. Hosted inside San Francisco's infamous porn castle (that is, the Armory) and sponsored by kinky porn education series Kink University, this nine-hour bondage exhibition claims to be the largest in the world — and best of all, it's fucking free.
Once you've unwound yourself from an afternoon of bondage, it's time to get some glitter in your teeth. Head across the Bay to ring in Oakland's LGBT Pride festivities at BAE, hosted by Swagger Like Us, Oakland's premier queer hip-hop party, with special guests The Prancing Elites (the gender non-conforming dance troupe of Oxygen Network reality series fame). Celebrating Fiveten Oakland Events' fifth year of producing community awesomeness, this night reminds us why the Bay will always be our bae — sweaty queers packed onto a dance floor, warm fuzzies in your heart, fabulous all over your face.
And once you've danced 'til your feet are sore, if you're not ready to go to bed, head back over to North Beach for Kinky Nights at Little Darling's (littledarlingssf.com). This is no ordinary night at the strip club; this is a full-on takeover of one of North Beach's most notoriously raunchy strip clubs by local sex demon and budding porn star Daisy Ducati, as she claims her first victim (me!) on a live stage. Daisy will sink her teeth into three other local porn star favorites throughout the fall season: Juliette March (Sept. 26), Jessica CreepShow (Oct. 10), and Arabelle Raphael (Oct. 24). Shows start at 11 p.m., and tickets can be purchased at the door only. Bring your Benjamins and your wildest fantasies.
Fast forward through Folsom and deep into October, it's time to pull out all your silly costumes in preparation for Kinky Salon's first party in its new Oakland forever home. It's HAUNT (Oct. 30-31, missioncontrolsf.org), the adults-only costumed play party with all the burlesque, clowns, DJs, and circus freaks a Bay Area pervert could dream of. Kinky Salon had its home inside a colorful secret hideaway on Mission Street for nearly a decade, but like so many others, the party was evicted in late 2013. It has continued hosting parties at rotating secret locations ever since, but this Halloween it will finally be in a top-secret, (hopefully) permanent location on the sunny side of the Bay. As per tradition, Polly Superstar and her vibrant community of creative pervs will host two nights of sexy ghouls and monstrous babes. This party is technically for members only, but there's still plenty of time to support sexy creativity in the Bay Area and become a member. (No unattended singles, costumes required.)
And if you're hungry for more, Ravish SF (date TBD, ravishsf.com) is San Francisco's latest attempt at combining food with sexy times. Billing itself as an "erotic underground dinner," this night of communal fine dining prepared by Chef Peter Jackson of Boucherie Meats is paired with a sexy atmosphere and takes place at unique pop-up venues throughout the city. The evening combines a seven-course feast with "erotic entertainment" in the form of "titillating games, live performances, and other adult entertainment between courses." Their August dinner, which boasted a New Orleans Brothel theme, was a hit.
As the city continues to change and becomes more about artisanal coffee and startups than leather cock rings and radical sex parties, I encourage you to let your freak flag fly this fall. It's your civic duty.
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