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The Descent of "Man": Here's How Language Really Works, Sweetie 

Wednesday, Jan 14 2015

The art of the portmanteau means combining words to create new words. PortMANteau, then, linguistically targets the boorish behavior of the American male. New terms added to the sum total of human understanding include "manscaping" (body-hair grooming), "mansplaining" (condescension masquerading as lecture), and now "manspreading" (taking up a lot of space in public areas), which recent reports say may have been afflicting our transit for decades. Here, we predict what other harm man will bring to the culture, and "man" will bring to the language.

manjob: a hastily or lazily committed work of masturbation (on self or others)

mancrafted: something designed to be oversized or made with a lot of leather, reclaimed wood, or hops

manpreciation: honoring a female passerby's beauty, elegance, or walking ability through an intricate series of whistles (also known as "bro-song")

mancoustics: the collective deepening of voices in a group of men who have been gathered for a while; it is theorized that eventually conversation would descend to hoots, grunts, and a spirited round of manjobbing

mangularity: the point in the near future in which all of humankind is joined together as one collective dude

manlightenment: sudden and total illumination of the meaning of the universe, which is the penis

womansplaining: pointing out when mansplaining is happening, usually preceded by a weary sense of inevitability

About The Author

Brandon R. Reynolds


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