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List: Do not open until Christmas 

Wednesday, Dec 16 2009

There are less than two weeks until the national celebration of the birth of Santa Claus. Here are some gift ideas for notable Bay Area personalities.

• Nancy Pelosi: A national health care plan that will pay for her facelifts

• Tom Ammiano: Someone to kiss his gay ass

• Willie Brown: A conscience

• Oakland Mayor Ron Dellums: $239,000

• 49ers coach Mike Singletary: Winners, dammit, winners

• Warriors coach Don Nelson: A new liver presoaked in bourbon

• Raiders owner Al Davis: A winning team in the next life

Chronicle publisher Frank Vega: Continued success of strategy to lose readers

Chronicle editor-at-large Phil Bronstein: A Komodo dragon without teeth

• Frank Chu: Spell-check

• Metallica: For that Internet thing togo away

• Mission hipster: Pants loose enough to restore blood flow to his lower extremities

Muni drivers: Noise-canceling headphones so they don't hear those annoying cries for help

About The Author

Staff, SF Weekly


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