Amazon Prime Instant is proof that billions of dollars can't save everything. The behemoth has been online TV's ugly stepchild next to Hulu Plus and Netflix despite its rollout eight years ago. Still, it perseveres, and even renewed its snoozer of a D.C. dramedy, Alpha House, for a second season.
Like any network, every year the powers that be at the company sift through dozens of pilot ideas then choose several to produce. Five of these went live recently and we the viewers are supposed to watch and rate them; those with the highest ratings will get greenlit to continue. On the surface they are doing everything right. They choose directors with Sundance awards, actresses with indie cred, and writers with single, eccentric visions. The output, however, is never quite socko enough to make me want to pay to watch any of this stuff. Perhaps you might find something you like in this digital bouillabaisse, but here's my highly opinionated low-down:
The Cosmopolitans
Young American expats living in Paris hop from cafes to parties to bistros and have conversations. There's a slight Woody Allen vibe to the whole thing, minus any wit, which is sad since this is supposed to be a comedy. Lo and behold, who should be behind the whole thing but Whit Stillman, who brought us such droll pretense as Barcelona and Metropolitan. I hate these people and hope they all die. Chloë Sevigny stars as a fashion blogger, and as usual, she cannot act. Ptooey. Yech. Blergh.
Really
A thirtysomething couple with two kids hangs out with other thirtysomethings and they do stuff like have sex and then their little kid walks in and then the wife puts off the sex until the next night as she applies her earplugs, face mask, and dental guard for the evening. Been there, done that, TV universe. Please tell me that this show isn't "different" because it's a white woman married to a man of Indian descent? Ptooey. Yech. Blergh.
Red Oaks
Finally someone has come up with the brilliant idea of basing a TV show on '80s teensploitation flics. Red Oaks takes place in a country club of the same name in 1985 and has subtle nods to its forbears, but it also is smart enough to have the pathos that separated, say, Valley Girl from Hamburger... The Motion Picture. Craig Roberts plays tennis instructor David, a normal-looking dude in the grand tradition of John Cusack. The Belushi-esque Oliver Cooper plays the resident Booger character to a T. Most importantly, the show is actually funny.
Hand of God
It's pretty amazing that Ron Perlman has had such a successful career as a leading man instead of a character actor, because damned if he doesn't resemble an albino orangutan. He stars in this hour-long drama about a debauched judge who finds God and also vows to avenge his raped daughter. His son remains in a coma on a ventilator after trying to save his sister, and Perlman is convinced that his boy is communicating to him telepathically about finding the rapist. Shades of it remind me of the fantastic show Boss, which was sadly cancelled by Starz but starred Kelsey Grammer as a crooked mayor of Chicago wrestling with dementia. Hand of God is filmmaker Marc Forster's baby (World War Z, Monster's Ball) but simply watching the pilot isn't really enough to go on. And when Amazon wants us to shell out cash in order to view its content, a solid "maybe I'll watch" ain't going to cut it.
Hysteria
Shaun Cassidy is behind this one, and the former teen idol has a track record of coming up with great concepts that get cheezified in production (American Gothic). Mena Suvari is this series' Clarice Starling. Instead of an FBI agent, she plays a neurologist who investigates a girls' dance team that has, er, been taken over by some technological "virus," or something, which results in twitching and hospitalizations. Somehow all of this is related to Suvari's childhood and a murder that took place. She consults her nutty brother on death row about the case like he's Hannibal Lecter (again, why?) Too bad the acting from her and the girls' squad reminds me of Showgirls.
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