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Join the Lynch Mob 

Wednesday, Jan 4 2012
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Motivational speaker Clam Lynch could have taken a stage name like Victor Cashflow or Rock Awesome, but no. We bet he kept that name to show he could succeed on the speaking circuit despite the handicap. “Clam is 58 percent sure that this seminar will in all likelihood change your life,” his website says. In baseball, a 58 percent success rate would translate to a .580 batting average — and that’s astronomical, considering the best single-season average of all time is .406. “Clam focuses on results,” and that’s what we call results. How do you get the results? Well, only Clam can tell you that — which he does tonight in Cut the Crap. We know there’s a hand-motion involved (it’s part of his logo), and there’s also a diagram showing the Crap Pie, which is divided into multiple sections, so it must be pretty complex. Clam has learned all this through a method he calls “trial and error,” and he has done it without fancy diplomas, certificates, or a G.E.D. He explains how to use shame to your advantage, get in touch with your Inner Robot, and prepare for tense situations using something known as the Gun-to-the-Head Technique. If you have anything wrong with you, we bet Clam can fix it — or, at least 58 percent of it.
Fridays, 10:30 p.m. Starts: Jan. 6. Continues through Jan. 13, 2012

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Keith Bowers

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