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How to Build Your Blanket Empire 

Wednesday, Oct 2 2013

Finding the right spot to set up at a festival is the story of civilization writ small. You must define your borders, provide for your people, and negotiate with neighboring city-states and constantly migrating populations. Here, a list of resources for optimal empire-building.

Blanket(s): Establishes the boundaries of your territory; serving as both footprint and flag. Blanket(s) should be large enough to accommodate your party but not so expansive as to encourage resentment from neighboring colonies; choose bold colors and patterns/prints that communicate strength and nobility but an essentially peaceable nature if left undisturbed (wolf prints are good); should also be durable and washable.

Bottle Opener and Corkscrew

Snacks: Consider the tongue; the various tastes should be taken into account: sweet, salty, savory, Cheetos. Granola covers a lot of bases, but can get boring; avoid fish.

Sunscreeen/Hat: Because it'll be sunny.

Warm Clothing: Because it'll also be not-sunny.

Cooler: Your horn of plenty, and an important decision to make early: small ones are easy to carry, large ones can store more/serve as seating; wheels are a plus.

SF Weekly: Obvs.

$34 in cash: Seems about right.

Bartering: Bring a cheap pack of cigarettes, an extra lighter, surplus drugs, airplane bottles of booze, tall boys; things to trade, sell, or give away to optimize inter-colonial commerce and general good times.


Chairs: Useful but creates a social imbalance for the non-chaired in your colony; raises unwieldy questions about ideal design of government; too heady for a festival; probably better to just sit on the damn ground.


Lucky 13 Punch

By Martin Cate of Smuggler's Cove

2 oz Appleton Estate Reserve Jamaican Rum

.75 oz fresh lime juice

.5 oz fresh grapefruit juice

.5 oz 1:1 demerara sugar simple syrup

(or more to taste)

.5 oz R&W Orchard Apricot Liqueur

Dash Fee Bros. Old Fashioned Bitters

Multiply as needed and add .25 oz water per each drink. Mix all ingredients together and chill overnight.

Don't Drink The Water

By Jupiter Olympus Morgan Schick from Trick Dog and Eric Quilty of East Bay Spice Co.

Buy a 40 oz Mexican beer: any kind will do.

Drink 22 oz of it.

Add to bottle:

9 oz Espolon Reposado Tequila

3 oz Cynar

3 oz lime juice

3 oz cinnamon simple syrup (2:1 water:sugar, bring to boil, simmer, add cinnamon sticks, and steep to taste)

2 tbsp cocoa powder

Stir well. Recap, chill well, and enjoy.

Roy McAvoy House Punch

By Brian Felley of The Love Boat and formerly of Big

1 bt (750 ml) Wild Turkey 101 Bourbon

1 1/2 bt (375 ml) sweet vermouth

1 liter iced tea

12 oz lemonade

.5 oz apple cider vinegar

Sweeten to taste with whatever is around the house (i.e. maple syrup, honey, sugar, agave, etc.). Put in water bottle, shake, serve.

About The Author

Staff, SF Weekly


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