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How to Be Polite on Muni 

Wednesday, Nov 12 2008

• Remember: A gentleman gives a lady his seat. A dickhead gives his newspaper one.

• Polite passengers share their crack pipes when asked.

• That guy's Burning Man costume is not funny until after he's left the train.

• When the bus stops to board a person in a wheelchair, it's not nice to yell, "Oh, fanFUCKINGtastic."

• No matter what the loud smelly man says, he really isn't interested in your assessment of his worldview.

• Remember: Everybody can hear what you're saying on your cell phone, so keep up the graphic sex talk.

• When defacing a public-service ad, do not draw big hairy balls dangling from the chins of everyone depicted. One set of hairy chin-balls gets the point across just fine.

• For Muni drivers: If ever your sardine-packed train is stalled in a tunnel for 15 minutes during sweltering heat or chilling cold, it is considered tactful to go on the intercom and announce, "There appears to be a delay." Bonus points for informing passengers when the train will start moving again.

• Riders should be forewarned that all bus lines except the 14, 29, and 38 are now strictly urine-free.

• Be sure to toss the empty bag of Flamin' Hot Funyuns where everyone can see it in order to flaunt your superior taste in snack foods.

About The Author

Staff, SF Weekly


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