When the ancient Polynesians invented surfing, they often used a paddle to help them navigate. Fast-forward a few millennia, and Stand-Up Paddleboarding, or SUP, finds itself trendy again. Part of its increasing popularity is that standing upright allows surfers to spot waves more easily and thus catch more of them, multiplying the fun factor. Paddling back to the wave becomes less of a strain as well. The ability to cruise along on flat inland water, surveying the sights, is another advantage. Finally, it’s a good core workout. If you’re sold on the idea, schedule an intro SUP lesson, free with board and paddle rental, and you may find yourself riding the waves like a Polynesian king.More
Many of us remember coming home from our elementary schools with freshly glazed pinchpots, cups, or whatever else our young imaginations could conjure up. Saturday mornings at the Randall Museum can bring that memory back, or create a new one for the youngsters. Ceramics make great gifts — especially on Mothers' and Fathers' Day. Hop on board for the Randall's once-weekly class, and for $6 and two weeks to have your work fired and glazed, you'll have all the materials you need.More
December is almost over - the New Year is coming up and everyone is busy drying off from the rain or holiday shopping. Let's take a look at what's happened this month.
Succulents are so in right now, but terra-cotta pots are so out, so why not pair that echeveria you got at the farmer's market in a gold-painted Triceratops pot instead?
Recently,
you may have read or heard about the case of Jose Padilla, a young
American who rose through the management ranks at Taco Bell and
was later captured for conspiring with al Qaeda.After our diligent
Government agents arrested Mr.Padilla for being an enemy combatant
and detained him indefinitely, some people foolishly and dangerously
attempted to argue that people like Mr.Padilla deserve things like
“rights ” and “due process.” These people
ask irrelevant and distressing questions like, “When will
he get a fair trial?” To which we, the co-authors of this
pamphlet, say: We ’ll get around to it soon enough! These
same critics argue that our Government ’s approach to finding
terrorists seems random. Some people get trials, some don ’t;
some arrests are based on strong evidence, others not. Does this
mean the Government doesn ’t know what it ’s doing?
As members of our youth culture like to say: Whatever! We ’ll
root out terrorism wherever we find it. After all, are you sure
you ’re not a terrorist? We ’re not! Why is all this
important to San Francisco? Things are not as pleasant as they seem
here in the city by the bay! Behind the sourdough curtain lurks
a haven of evildoers —al Qaeda terrorists maybe, or at the
very least people who are up to no good, or look like they might
be.People taking advantage of our warm weather and diversity to
cloak their evildoings. We need your help to stomp out these people
and get them locked up as enemy combatants. And to the critics:
Grow up, San Francisco! Some people don ’t deserve the U.S.Constitution!
Let the information in this guide help you uncover the danger in
our midst.
These
people look just like ordinary folks going about their business
on a typical day in San Francisco.But there are many clues in these
photos suggesting that these people ought to be arrested immediately
and held indefinitely.Take a look.
“WHAT
DO YOU THINK ABOUT AL QAEDA
IN SAN FRANCISCO?”
“Oh,my,yes,I
think it ’s a very serious problem. Just yesterday, there
were two ruffians in front of my apartment building. They were
smoking and had matching jeans —blue. I ’m not sure
what they were up to, but I ’m sure it was something.”
“It
’s here, totally. This guy I know? He reads newspapers?
He ’s always talking about how weird it is that the
president said he wouldn ’t arrest U.S.citizens without
trial and that like, now, he is. Totally questioning the president.
I ’m all like, ‘Chill, dude.’ But he ’s
all on about it. I don ’t think he likes the government,
and we should totally arrest him. Want his address?”
“We
’re on the lookout for all entities, groups, or individuals
who are alleged to advise, teach, or advocate the overthrow
by force or violence of the government of the United States.
This includes low-level gang members and former Taco Bell employees.”
HOW TO IDENTIFY AL QAEDA
IN SAN FRANCISCO
Al Qaeda subversives
aren ’t easy to find. That sharp-l ooking fella or comely
dame down the street could be passing along information on
ydrogen bombs! But listen carefully ... if you hear people
say things like this, they might be subverting American values:
“Hey,wait!
Where are you taking me?”
“Fries with
that?”
"Hello.”
“Does this
cable car go to Fisherman ’s Wharf?”
“That ‘Proud to Be an American ’song is
really annoying.”
“In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy
the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury
of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been
committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained
by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the
accusation;to be confronted with the witnesses against him;
to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his
favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.”
IS SAN FRANCISCO TOO DIVERSE?
THREE SAN FRANCISCANS TO LOOK OUT FOR
We
don ’t know for sure if the following three celebrities are
al Qaeda, but they sure seem shifty to us! Their wealth, good looks,and
kindly manner might put your mind at ease ...but look closer:
Barry
Bonds
Quick-tempered. Strong.Moody.A definite threat to do damage!
Danielle
Steel
This published author has a large mansion with more than two dozen
parking spaces. What ’s she really doing in there?
Willie
Brown
Once a legislative leader for the whole state of California, he curiously
avoided bigger ambitions to instead rule over the state ’s third-largest
city. An aging politician in decline ...or a dangerous man focusing
his power?
Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'.
Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"
