Given the way things are going, someday Santa will be remembered as a terrifying relic of an archaic age. After all, children's stories used to be about wolves that dressed like old women and old women who ate children; now they're about talking to the moon or big red dogs. In Europe, Santa even once had a sidekick: the Krampus, a kind of demon that punished the wicked kids by stealing them away and whipping the thighs of nubile young women with tree branches. Frightening tales from a savage time.
And that's probably Santa's fate too. Because what tolerance will we have for someone who "sees you when you're sleeping," "knows when you're awake," and keeps tabs on (and evaluates the morality of) your actions in this, the age of NSA surveillance and heightened extrajudicial powers? What sympathy would we have for someone coming down America's chimneys without a warrant? Soon, wishlists will be redacted, presents will be pre-shaken by the Department of Domestic Gifting, and the Constitution will be devoured by the fat man along with the cookies. That's the direction this particular myth will take.
And so, eventually, kindly old Saint Nick will join the Krampus on whatever island he's using to detain wayward children, and one more story will pass away. Maybe then and only then can we all face each other in the holiday spirit of truth and love and admit that damn, you sons of bitches are hard to shop for.
Lit City: In S.F., it Doesn’t Have to Get Cold Outside to Curl Up With a Good (Local) Book
O Listen All Ye Faithful: The Greatest Gift You Can Cobble Together Is the Gift of the Playlist
It’s Christmas Day!: …Now What?
You Forgot to Buy a Gift, You Cheap Bastard: Need a Last-Minute Present? No Problem. You Bastard.
Holiday Spirits: Be the Life of Any Party with One of These New Local Boozes
On the Market: Step Away from the Mall — the Bay Area’s Craft Fairs Have You Covered
Sucker Punch of Love: For Everyone Else, There Are Oddities
Lunar Exploration: Remind Them of You With a Gift in Tune with the Tides
Tags: Feature
Comments are closed.