With polling figures showing Gavin Newsom trailing badly in his bid for governor, pundits say he will have to spend more time wooing voters in Southern California. How can he appeal to people in L.A.?
• Sleep with a Univision reporter
• Promise to read everyone's unproduced screenplay
• Boob jobs covered by his universal health care plan
• Make sex tape with Kobe Bryant
• Glue a statue of the Virgin of Guadalupe to the dashboard of his SUV
• Develop an even shorter attention span
• Grow little ponytail
• Start referring to freeways as "the" 101 and "the" 5
• Announce that high-speed police chases now count as public service programming
• Star in his own reality TV show
• Campaign in Speedos
