Get SF Weekly Newsletters
Pin It

Fuck Valentine's Day: 10 Anti-Love, Pro-Single Songs to Get You Through The Holiday 

Wednesday, Feb 10 2016

Last year, I became a statistic: on Valentine's Day, I broke up with my boyfriend. According to data culled from Facebook relationship statuses, this is the most common time of year to ditch your ball and chain (second only to Christmas).

Since the odds are high that something bad might happen to your relationship this Feb. 14, here's a list of 10 pro-single and anti-love songs to help get you through any rocky romantic circumstance.

Regardless of whether you're happily single or not, these songs will do at least one thing: make you feel not (so) shitty.

And sometimes, that's enough.

1. "Get Out" by JoJo

Get Out (leave) right now / It's the end of you and me

JoJo was only 14 when she sang this song about a lying, cheating boyfriend (whose unfaithfulness she discovered by creeping on his phone). Cheating and lying are deal breakers at any age, but JoJo showed wisdom beyond her years. If, like JoJo, you find yourself in a similar situation (even if she found herself there via subterfuge), dump their ass.

Life (or love) lesson: Snooping is okay. And if you find something incriminating, dump 'em.

2. "Loner" by Kali Uchis

That's why I'd rather be a loner / Yeah I'd rather be alone / I don't even want to know ya

Like most of Colombian singer Kali Uchi's songs, "Loner" has an analog fuzziness that makes this indie-soul song sound like an old, dusty LP fished out of a dollar bin at the record store. "I don't want to be a doormat," she purrs. "Don't want to be ignored." If the relationship you're in doesn't make you feel happy — or even acknowledged — cut it off. Being alone isn't bad. After all, it's better than being a doormat.

Life (or love) lesson: If your relationship makes you feel like shit, then it's not worth it.

3. "Ridin' Solo" by Jason Derulo

I'm feeling like a star / you can't stop my shine / I'm lovin' cloud nine, my head's in the sky / I'm solo, I'm ridin' solo

Few things cheer you up post-breakup like a catchy pop song. Listen to this 2010 ditty once and you'll wish you were never in a relationship to begin with. There's so much freedom that comes with being single. You can now do what you like, when you like, where you like. Your life is back in your own hands. And now you, like Derulo, "can get [your] shit together."

Life (or love) lesson: Being single is awesome.

4. "Better Off Without You"by Summer Camp

I'm better off without you / Stop calling me, you gotta stop callin'

Sometimes people just don't want to let go, even when the relationship is obviously a sinking ship. Sometimes the wrong people just keep calling and texting and dropping off letters and orchids and bottles of wine by your front door. Sometimes people just. Won't. Give. Up. And that's when the situation stops being amusing and starts becoming annoying. And kind of stalker-y.

When this happens, let Elizabeth Sankey do the talking for you because, believe me, you'll regret anything you say after this point. They'll get the message eventually.

Life (or love) lesson: Some people are harder to break up with than others.

5. "Me, Myself, and I" by Beyonce

Me, myself, and I, that's all I got in the end / That's what I found out / And there ain't no need to cry / I took a vow that from now on / I'm gon' be my own best friend.

Love is a dangerous game and sometimes you'll get burned. If you do, shrug it off and learn from your mistake. But don't berate yourself. Bey also talks about how a friend "tried to warn me on the low," so there's another lesson for you. Heed the warnings. Recognize when you're being lied to or manipulated. And don't let it happen twice.

Life (or love) lesson: Listen to others and don't make the same mistake again.

6. "I Don't Fuck With You" by Big Sean

I got a million trillion things I'd rather fuckin' do / Than to be fuckin' with you

Who knew that repetitive cursing could be so cathartic? Whether you're at the beginning of a break-up, or well over one, this is the perfect song to help you truly get over an ex. Big Sean's tactic? Just remember all the negative things about your ex and be thankful that you "dodged a bullet." There are so many fish in the sea, why settle for a sucky one? To hell with your ex. Move on and find someone new.

Life (or love) lesson: Use "fuck" enough times in a sentence and eventually you'll feel better.

7. "Best Thing I Never Had" by Beyonce

You turned out to be the best thing I never had / And I'm gonna always be the best thing you never had

I once dated this watchmaker, and a for a few months we spent practically every day together. Then, I met a girl at a bar who said that both she and the bartender used to date him, too. Turned out, he had a history of sleeping with girls and using them for food, money, rides, and comfy beds. Even though I didn't know the girl, I decided to trust her and broke up with the dude. Months later, I found out that he had been seeing someone else the entire time we were dating. As Bey would say, he was the best thing I never had.

Life (or love) lesson: Don't be a victim.

8. "Undo" by Bjork

It's not meant to be a strife / It's not meant to be a struggle uphill

Let Bjork be that motherly figure who tells you the things that you should be telling yourself: Stop obsessing and replaying scenarios in your head. You're only making it worse. Accept that things have happened and move on. Calm down. Chill out. And let the orchestra wash away your woes.

Life (or love) lesson: Stop being your own worst enemy.

9. "Slowly, Surely" by Jill Scott

Slowly, surely / I walk away from / self-serving / undeserving / constantly hurting me love

Wondering how your life will go on without that other person? Then this is the song for you. It's a reminder that someday, maybe not any time soon, you'll realize how much that person sucked and how much better off you are without them. It'll take time, but you'll get there — slowly, surely.

Life (or love) lesson: Time heals all wounds, you've just got to wait it out.

10. "I Am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb / I touch no one and no one touches me / I am a rock / I am an island.

The rock and island metaphors of this '60s folk song might sound like a third grader wrote them, but they're important to remember nonetheless. You are strong. All you need is you. Fuck your ex — there's only room for one on your island.

Life (or love) lesson: Who needs anybody when you have yourself?

Tags: ,

About The Author

Jessie Schiewe


Comments are closed.

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"