Get SF Weekly Newsletters
Pin It

Fantasy Debasedball 

A new game for a new era

Wednesday, Mar 23 2005
Somewhere, we're sure, the baseball season approaches with its usual promise of vernal rebirth and renewal, all that lacy stuff the bards of the sport can't stop putting in the New Yorker. But in the Bay Area, home of BALCO and epicenter of the biggest scandal in modern sport, things are different. We know what baseball season means: more accusations, more indictments, more leaked testimony -- and that's just Opening Day. This season, make no mistake, the scandal will be the sport. So with that in mind, we've created a variation on fantasy baseball, a game for those of you who'll be following subpoenas the way you once scanned box scores: Fantasy Debasedball.

The game is simple: Choose one player from each category listed here (the "Indicted" category is optional). Over the course of the first half of the season, your seven- or eight-man team will compile statistics in the areas specified for each category. For instance, if you've picked Benito Santiago in the category of "Scrubs," and at the midway point he has had one positive drug test (100 points), been suspended for 10 days (10 points), confessed past steroid use to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (100 points), appeared in 50 stories with the word "steroids" (50 points), and not appeared on any pages of Jose Canseco's tell-all autobiography (zero points), Santiago will have earned your team 260 points. Attaboy, Benito! Your team score is just the sum of your seven or eight individual scores, and the winning team -- the most debased team -- is the one that finishes with the most points.

Submit your roster to by April 3. We'll tally the scores and determine the winner after the All-Star Game on July 12. The prize is a barely touched copy of Jose Canseco's autobiography, unmarked but for a coffee stain on the cover and an indent from a table leg.

Play ball!

About The Author

Tommy Craggs


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed
  1. Most Popular


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"