Get SF Weekly Newsletters
Pin It

Crushed Velvet: Velvet Revolver 


Wednesday, Jun 16 2004
Dear Partnership for a Drug-Free America,

Here is my treatment for a future advertisement: We start with a close-up of a hot, butter-coated FRYING PAN. There is NO SOUND. We see two hands crack a couple of EGGS, which splash and sizzle on the skillet as we fade up VELVET REVOLVER's latest CD, Contraband. We hear one-time Stone Temple Pilots frontman SCOTT WEILAND's strained, toneless yelping as the former GN'R rhythm section (MATT SORUM and DUFF MCKAGEN) histrionically thrashes like CHRIS FARLEY drowning in a kiddie pool. Occasionally SLASH comes through with a few fat, fuzzy riffs, but at best they are mere echoes of his glory days as the pre-eminent heavy metal guitarist. We watch as the eggs COOK, BROWN, and BURN; we see green, pungent SMOKE wafting from the pan. As we fade down on yet another crappy ballad, your famous slogan appears on the screen: "This is your brain on drugs." FADE TO BLACK.

About The Author

Paxil Rose


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed
  1. Most Popular


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"