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Critical Masturbation 

The long-running pro-bike protest known as Critical Mass is a form of ritual self-abuse that hurts the cause of city cycling

Wednesday, May 14 2003
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Our acrimonious political culture has emerged from a proud tradition of fine-grained participatory democracy and hair-trigger dissent. But the tradition has been accompanied by the myth that squabbling is the best way to advance the commonweal. Plenty of other cities and counties have managed to make themselves bike-friendly without bicyclists making a nuisance of themselves. Here, the bicyclists protest mightily at the end of every month, and manage to set their cause back mightily in the process.


It's actually possible to promote bike use without irritating people. Bicycles, after all, are by nature not nearly as irritating as cars or trucks. Bikes never jackknife on freeway ramps; when they run stop signs, they don't kill pedestrians. When bikes suffer mechanical failure, they don't close whole traffic lanes. Bicycles don't generate 5 million deaths per year. Automobiles do.

In Sacramento, local officials consider bicycles' nonirritating essence a potential engine for downtown economic development. The city is turning dozens of wide, fast, automobile-oriented streets into bike-friendly routes, in part to make life more pleasant for residents living on those streets, and to lure more people downtown.

"The exciting thing in Sacramento is that the city is considering taking three-lane, one-way streets, knocking them down to two lanes, or one-way with bike lanes. Others are being restored to two-way with bike lanes. You're talking about taking space away from autos and giving it to people," says Chris Morfas, executive director of the California Bicycle Coalition. "We are blessed here in that our mayor, Heather Fargo, has gotten religion in creating walkable and bikeable communities."

Other cities are getting similar religion. Midlane bicycle stencils -- signaling that bicycles have the same right to street-space as cars -- are now on streets in Berkeley, Oakland, Chicago, Denver, Cambridge, Gainesville, Portland, Las Vegas, and Brisbane. In Marin County, police, the sheriff, the district attorney, the highway patrol, and the Human Rights Commission have gone to extraordinary lengths to establish safe roadways for bicyclists.

Awhile ago, some bicycle activists from the Bay Area went to Sacramento, hoping to launch a Critical Mass there.

"I don't want to talk about that. It was basically a mess," Morfas says. "Basically, it was 50 people acting like real jerks."


Two weeks ago I was riding to work along Grove Street, where the Department of Parking and Traffic has painted green, midlane bicycle stencils as a pilot project in advance of Sacramento-style, citywide stencils. A man driving a San Francisco Unified School District step van swerved at me dangerously; I came up beside him and said, "Careful, you came pretty close there."

The fellow started yelling at me to get off the road. I told him I had a legal right to be there. He yelled over and over again, "I don't give a fuck about the law. Get the fuck off the road, or I'll run you off."

I told him I'd have him arrested if he did. He laughed and said, "Right. Get me arrested." Lo and behold, two blocks later he swerved at me swiftly, sharply, all the way up to the curb, attempting, it certainly appeared, to run me off the road.

In 30 years of bicycling I'd never called the police to report a motorist, but I called this time, because the fellow seemed to be using school district property in an attempted assault. I didn't catch the license plate number, but I got the school district vehicle number off the side of the van. The police dispatcher said if I got the guy's name from the school district, there would be sufficient information for an incident report. Through a series of phone calls, I learned that district officials, to their credit, actually tracked down the driver and questioned him. But they didn't give me his name, and a district spokeswoman said the fellow had denied my version of events, though she didn't say what he'd said.

Even so, I took this information to the police station on Fillmore Street. There, a desk officer took time to enlist another officer to look up applicable laws, review departmental memos about road rage, and otherwise handle my case in the most thoughtful possible way.


Which leads me to suggest: No More War.

Though bicyclists see the police as their enemy largely thanks to the 1997 crackdown on Critical Mass, hostility between the two groups is not the result of conflicting essential natures. Traffic rules like the ones that make road rage illegal are the most important allies bicyclists have -- regardless of how many bike riders think they should have the right to run stop signs. (On an interesting side note, Chief Alex Fagan's son -- that's right, the famous, fajita-linked one -- is an avid cyclist.) There's no reason to think the Police Department couldn't be persuaded to do more to make our streets safe.

Bike lanes, midlane stencils, and other bicycle-friendly measures should, and probably would, be an easy sell here, but for Critical Mass-generated animosity.

The Board of Supervisors is led by a bike-friendly Green; Supervisor Sophie Maxwell is herself a long-distance bicyclist. The mayor has been heard saying he sees bicyclist protections as a civil rights issue. Fifty percent of San Franciscans own bicycles, according to a recent poll. And there's a history of success: Valencia Street merchants actually appreciate the wide bike lanes that were painted there a few years ago; the lanes have calmed traffic and made the street friendlier for shopping.

Yet in San Francisco people who ride their bicycles to work and in so doing reduce automobile congestion on the streets are seen as a bunch of irresponsible, arrogant outlaws -- thanks, in large part, to Critical Mass.

Someday I'd like to look back on this Bike to Work Week as the moment when San Francisco's bicycle movement grew up and abandoned Critical Mass. It would make for a pleasant memory.

About The Author

Matt Smith

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