Get SF Weekly Newsletters
Pin It

Changes we could see under the city's new Bicycle Plan 

Wednesday, Jul 8 2009

Last week, the Board of Supervisors approved the long-delayed "Bicycle Plan" to make the city more conducive to bicycling. What changes will the plan make?

• People who ride bicycles will no longer be called bicyclists; instead, they'll be called "Heroes."

• Participation in Critical Mass is no longer optional.

• Driving accidents will now be blamed on whichever vehicle gets worse gas mileage.

• Bicycle lanes will be extended inside buildings.

• Stop signs are now optional for those who have been disenfranchised by Western culture.

• Bicycles will not only be allowed on all public transit, they'll also be allowed on seats otherwise reserved for the disabled.

• Special "pullaway" zones will be cut into sidewalks so bicyclists will have a safe space to taunt others.

• Right of way will now go to the person with the most alternative lifestyle.

• Most hills are now slated for demolition by 2015.

• People who ride bicycles made of recycled components will be awarded extraspecial bonus points.

About The Author

Benjamin Wachs


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"