Last week, the Board of Supervisors approved the long-delayed "Bicycle Plan" to make the city more conducive to bicycling. What changes will the plan make?
People who ride bicycles will no longer be called bicyclists; instead, they'll be called "Heroes."
Participation in Critical Mass is no longer optional.
Driving accidents will now be blamed on whichever vehicle gets worse gas mileage.
Bicycle lanes will be extended inside buildings.
Stop signs are now optional for those who have been disenfranchised by Western culture.
Bicycles will not only be allowed on all public transit, they'll also be allowed on seats otherwise reserved for the disabled.
Special "pullaway" zones will be cut into sidewalks so bicyclists will have a safe space to taunt others.
Right of way will now go to the person with the most alternative lifestyle.
Most hills are now slated for demolition by 2015.
People who ride bicycles made of recycled components will be awarded extraspecial bonus points.
Tags: Sucka Free City, Columns