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Changes we could see under the city's new Bicycle Plan 

Wednesday, Jul 8 2009
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Last week, the Board of Supervisors approved the long-delayed "Bicycle Plan" to make the city more conducive to bicycling. What changes will the plan make?

• People who ride bicycles will no longer be called bicyclists; instead, they'll be called "Heroes."

• Participation in Critical Mass is no longer optional.

• Driving accidents will now be blamed on whichever vehicle gets worse gas mileage.

• Bicycle lanes will be extended inside buildings.

• Stop signs are now optional for those who have been disenfranchised by Western culture.

• Bicycles will not only be allowed on all public transit, they'll also be allowed on seats otherwise reserved for the disabled.

• Special "pullaway" zones will be cut into sidewalks so bicyclists will have a safe space to taunt others.

• Right of way will now go to the person with the most alternative lifestyle.

• Most hills are now slated for demolition by 2015.

• People who ride bicycles made of recycled components will be awarded extraspecial bonus points.

About The Author

Benjamin Wachs

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