Last week, the Board of Supervisors approved the long-delayed "Bicycle Plan" to make the city more conducive to bicycling. What changes will the plan make?
• People who ride bicycles will no longer be called bicyclists; instead, they'll be called "Heroes."
• Participation in Critical Mass is no longer optional.
• Driving accidents will now be blamed on whichever vehicle gets worse gas mileage.
• Bicycle lanes will be extended inside buildings.
• Stop signs are now optional for those who have been disenfranchised by Western culture.
• Bicycles will not only be allowed on all public transit, they'll also be allowed on seats otherwise reserved for the disabled.
• Special "pullaway" zones will be cut into sidewalks so bicyclists will have a safe space to taunt others.
• Right of way will now go to the person with the most alternative lifestyle.
• Most hills are now slated for demolition by 2015.
• People who ride bicycles made of recycled components will be awarded extraspecial bonus points.
