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Best Bay to Breakers Behavior 

Wednesday, Feb 25 2009

City officials are debating a new set of rules Bay to Breakers contestants must abide by. Here are a few ideas being contemplated:

•Only pee on every other street

•If citizens behave at Bay to Breakers, they'll get an hour of Halloween back

•Shouts of "WOOOO!" must be changed to "Woooo"

•Ross Mirkarimi will bring only one keg this year

•Thousands of people from Berkeley, Oakland, and San Jose will pretend to care about San Francisco neighborhoods

•No more lame floats. You know who you are

•Ban on nudity that is never enforced will also not be enforced this year, but with more rigor

•Race route will be changed at the last minute to accommodate China

•All public vomiting must be done in the spirit of civic outreach

•Panhandle residents who wish the race to "pass over" their homes can make a mark on their door in lamb's blood

•Racers will be encouraged to actually finish the race, or at least say that they will

•Drinking along the race route will be limited to premium alcohol

•People who race but don't pay the registration fee will be frowned at. Really, really, frowned at

•Muni bus service will be used in lieu of outhouses

About The Author

Benjamin Wachs


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