Get SF Weekly Newsletters
Pin It

Applying the Twisted Logic of Room 237 to Everything 

Wednesday, Dec 25 2013

Saving Mr. Banks Predicts a New Ice Age

Early into the film Saving Mr. Banks, we see that Mary Poppins author P.L. Travers owns a book called The Teachings of Gurdjieff. In real life, Travers was indeed a devotee of the spiritual leader and Meetings With Remarkable Men author G.I. Gurdjieff. Another disciple of Gurdjieff was the British scientist J. G. Bennett, who famously predicted the onset of a new ice age within 40 years. Therefore, Travers' description of Mary Poppins as blowing in on the East Wind — a detail which is repeated frequently, and with great portent, in Saving Mr. Banks — proves the nanny is the harbinger of this period of freezing and flooding. This also accounts for why Saving Mr. Banks was released during an unusually cold winter.

Parkland Confirms the "King Kill 33" Masonic Sorcery in the Kennedy Assassination

It is common knowledge that 33° is the highest Freemason rank, and that Texas' first fraternal lodge once stood in what is now in Dealey Plaza, on the 33rd parallel north. John F. Kennedy was officially announced dead at 1:33 p.m.; while this event is not portrayed in the film Parkland, the film's title appears at 01:33, the initial viewing of the newly developed Zapruder footage begins at 33:36, and the complete running time of Parkland is 1:33:39, as is required by the alchemical rite of the Killing of the King, in order to Make Manifest All That is Hidden. This is of course plainly obvious, and we really shouldn't have to explain it to you.

Oakland Graphic Novelist Daniel Clowes Has Fans in Strange Places

Shia LaBeouf's short movie,, about a mopey middle-aged film critic sure seemed familiar, and not just for personal reasons. When posted online to much fanfare last week, the film was swiftly outed as an entirely unacknowledged screen adaptation of a Dan Clowes comic. But faux-teur LaBeouf's movie played at Cannes in May of 2012, so how come nobody noticed the Clowes connection until now? We must conclude that LaBeouf knew this would happen, and his real intention therefore was to shame the whole world for more than a year's worth of insufficient Clowes appreciation. Evidently he is joined in this campaign by Scarlett Johansson, whose complete bodily absence from her role in Spike Jonze's Her plainly suggests an oblique protest against the regrettably persistent mainstream-culture invisibility of Clowes, who, being also the author of Ghost World, launched Johansson's career. Yeah, think about it.

Blogger Nikke Finke's Notorious Nelson Mandela Tweet Had to Be a Hoax Created by the Weinsteins

"R.I.P. Nelson Mandela," it read, "subject of Weinstein Co's Idris Elba-starrer 'Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom' which opened Nov 29 and has awards buzz."

This factually accurate yet nonetheless shocking piece of PR-infected Tinseltown obliviousness later became the inspiration for the #FinkeObits hashtag, gathering many witty retorts. Perhaps the most retweeted of these was @THEmikewhite's "RIP Adolf Hitler, who really made The Weinstein Company's Oscar-nominated INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS possible," another shout-out to the Weinsteins and all their fine products. Hmm. To her critics, Finke later responded, again via Twitter: "I write about the entertainment biz. And that movie is a wonderful tribute to Nelson Mandela since it's based on his autobiography." This seemed approximately as helpful as when LaBeouf tweeted an apology for plagiarizing Clowes, and the apology itself turned out to have been plagiarized too.

About The Author

Staff, SF Weekly


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"