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A Cybersex Column 

Where do all the artsy, sexually adventurous San Fran hipsters go to date online?

Wednesday, Jul 30 2008

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from the personal life of a SF-based cybersex expert…

Friday, July 25, 11:17 p.m.

A few interesting developments in the land of my love/hate relationship with Internet dating sites:

1) The boy who dared me to stick my hand down his pants in public – while on a date we’d arranged online -- recently resurfaced after a few weeks of silence. I had just been thinking to myself, “Well, that’s strange. He sure seemed interested, at least sexually, and then he disappeared. This whole dating thing is bizarre. Whatevs.” Then he appeared from out of the blue, claimed he’d been busy, said he’d had a great time when we went out, and even invited me to join his writing group. Like, we’d talk? My newest theory: he was seeing someone for a couple weeks and he thought it might go somewhere. Now I’m of course debating whether to wait an equally long time before stooping to replying to his message. Not that I haven’t spent twice as long as it would take to respond sitting here blogging about him.

2) On a happier note, I met a cute, sweet, sexy boy from one site over the weekend. We actually had things to say to each other that didn’t involve sexual positions (not that that’s a bad topic of discussion, but I’d prefer someone gives two shits about me in general). In fact, following our 2:00 p.m. coffee date, my partner and I spent the next 24 hours with him. Needless to say, fun was had, fun of the offline variety I won’t bore you with here. Personally I’m psyched to have a new friend in addition to a new playmate — even if this one is unfortunately leaving the Bay Area in a couple weeks. Sad face.

Online dating, you’ve got my faith back, at least for now. Just don’t mess it up.

Sunday, July 27, 2:02 p.m.

Why has no one on the West Coast heard of OkCupid? Without it, where do all the artsy, sexually adventurous, San Fran hipsters go to date online?

I’m amazed at how few people in my age bracket I’ve spoken to here who’ve never heard of, the free online dating site with a cute, friendly aesthetic aimed at 20-somethings. I mean, sure, their offices are back in New York, but pretty much everyone single I know on the East Coast (and plenty of people who aren’t single) has an OkCupid account, even if they don’t talk about it. Out here it seems to be Craigslist,, or nothing.

You poor people, you’re paying for a dating site? And one as restrictive as What if you’re gay, or polyamorous? Then there’s Craigslist, which I still think of as the land of casual encounters, not “normal” dates. I’ve heard so many Craigslist dating horror stories in the last few days. Well, yeah! That’s why OkCupid was born.

I can’t help but think the site would do super well out here, especially considering it’s aimed at a young, open-minded crowd. It’s also so much more queer-friendly than a site like, not to mention poly-friendly. Maybe it’s just that I wish there were a bigger pool of fellow bi 20-somethings in open relationships. But heck, is that so wrong?

Tuesday, July 29th, 1:34 p.m.

Since I started Beautiful Stranger few weeks ago, my cybersex matchmaking site, I’ve gotten some curious feedback.

It’s been interesting to see people interact on the site, which currently has a whopping 39 members now. One of my favorite things so far is that a user created a forum for cybersex horror stories. Boy do I have plenty of those. Mostly the forum thread is just people standing around feeling horrified that someone’s online sex partner once started calling his penis his “weewee.” Eek, that is definitely every consenting adult’s nightmare: the person I’m dirty talking with is either seriously developmentally challenged or 11 years old.

Another strange thing that’s come up: I had a member message me he’d like to help out with my (wink wink, nudge nudge) research, then write back to say never mind. He went from proclaiming, “Anything you want, I want” to “I’ve come to the decision that perhaps I’ll keep all this stuff to more serious relationships.” Huh? I’m hardly offended, since I can barely find time to make good on the other research offers I solicited, but did he go and acquire something wacky like a conscience in the last few days, or just a meddling girlfriend? When pressed, he wrote, “Meh, mostly [I don’t like] just the general attitude of the site. Now, don’t get me wrong, I got nothing against ya’ll, but too much attention paid to base instincts without regard for the actual person...Not my kind of thing.”

My first base instinct is to say, “Well yeah, it’s a cybersex site!” But it’s true, if I were setting up something I’d want to use, I’d probably prefer to spend more time getting to know the community before jumping into cyber bed with people, too...

To reach The Clickable Clit, write to bonnie [at] heroine-sheik [dot] com—or follow her exploits in detail throughout the week at her cybersex blog, Cybersexy.

About The Author

Bonnie Ruberg


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