Page 5 of 6
"At times I have felt this cause is consuming my family," Jeanette says. "I am the one who is the balance. I put the brakes on to protect Steven. Scott gets us involved in lots of activities -- some we want to do and some we don't. He would just wear us out if he had his druthers."
Scott is a tireless organizer who will come home from a full day of work and spend as many hours on the computer in the basement planning the cause's next move. It is not uncommon for him to answer e-mails until 2 in the morning and be up for work at 6.
"He's so dedicated, but it can be annoying," says Anne, who paged her dad at work recently to tell him she loved him because they hadn't crossed paths in several days. "I hope it will end soon; it will be nice to have some closure to it. For once it won't always be there."
Scott concedes Scouting for All has taken a toll on his family. "Maybe I take on more than I should. When my kids say I'm always on the computer, it hurts me, but it's the truth. And what hurts the most is that my relationship with my wife has been neglected. I am aware of it, and I'm working to make things better."
Finally, Steven arrives out of breath and sweaty from his early morning ride. He carries his bike to his room, nodding to the camera crew and ignoring his mom's pleas to hurry up. Just then his dad pulls into the driveway. He is home early to prepare for the protest in Dallas he and his son will travel to tomorrow. Immediately he heads to the basement, turns on the computer, and returns a call from a producer of the Today show.
Steven hears his mom honking the car horn in the driveway. He grabs a bowl of ice cream to take with him but stops for a moment at the top of the basement stairs and watches his dad work the phone. He shakes his head, relieved that he doesn't have to do all the organizing required to keep the cause alive. "Thank God," he says. "I'd have no life."
A blinding flash meets Steven's eyes as soon as he walks off the plane in Dallas. A photographer is at the gate, and Steven is annoyed. During the flight, he could only think about the big bike race he should be training for. His coach was not happy that he had to spend three days away from the trails, which bothers Steven.
"There was a camera in my face, and I was tired and not in the mood. I was like, "Just let me go back to California,'" he says. "But my dad was so happy to get the publicity. He's really into it; I'm semi into it. He wants me to wear my uniform in public and is always hassling me if I don't. We disagree, but he usually wins. It's not perfect every minute."
Steven dreams of riding in the Tour de France. Lance Armstrong is his hero now, and he is intent on turning pro -- a goal that his biking coach does not think is so far-fetched considering Steven's ability. Athletics are his thing, and he is not especially excited about school or particularly good at it. He complains that the teachers expect him to be smarter than he is because of his activist background and well-spoken media appearances. He hates it when people assume they know him before they meet him.
"Some people think of me as a perfect type of kid that only helps others," Steven says. "I don't want them to look at me as just a Scouting for All, stand-up-for-gays type of kid. I want them to see me for who I am: a normal person. I'm not just an activist. Barely."
Yet he and his older sister did start a gay/straight alliance club at Petaluma High, and they are friends with the school's only openly gay student.
Scott says he doesn't want his kids to feel forced into doing anything. Anne usually keeps a distance from the cause, and Scott respects that. But he admits things may be different for Steven. "Even though I give him the choice, he may not always feel the choice is there," Scott says. "My passion is so strong, the underlying message may be: "You don't have a choice.' I hope that wasn't the case, though it could be. I'm sure he wants to please me."
But Steven does believe in the cause and willfully participates -- to a reasonable limit. "If this was all I lived for like my dad, then I'd say, "Why did I ever start this?' But it's not the only thing I'm going to do," he says.
Once Steven accepted the fact he would be taking a three-day break from his biking regimen, got used to hiding his hair with a hat, and concentrated on the task at hand, he handled himself impressively in Dallas. Father and son had agreed on a speech, but at the last minute Steven did not want to read it. He pushed aside the podium, pulled up a chair in front of the crowd, and sat down. He began speaking extemporaneously. "If I really wanted to go against my dad, then I'd refuse to do any interviews or speak," Steven says. "I want the Scouts to change their policy, and I can't drop it halfway through. I can't wait to tell my kids I helped change the policy. It's kind of like helping stop slavery; it's a big deal."
