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Fauxgirls!

Third Thursday of every month, 7 p.m. and First Friday of every month, 6 p.m.

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As far as we can tell, San Francisco's first drag bar was a happy accident — unofficial history holds that Joe Finocchio established his eventually world-famous "female impersonator" spot in 1936 after hearing a customer in his father's bar imitate Sophie Tucker, known for her risque numbers. As hard as it might be to believe, this type of entertainment was accepted by the American mainstream for decades after that, with Finocchio's getting a decent amount of tourist traffic. Finocchio's closed in 1999, but there's still a hint of its spirit in the city. On a visit to Fauxgirls!, we saw citizens from "red" states wriggling with adoration alongside others. Fauxgirls! is not a delicate show, and its venue then was closer to the Tenderloin than Union Square. It's wonderful and funny, and the gowns are very pretty, but the performers aren't playing. The visitors in question, a whole family of them in their baseball hats, proudly and repeatedly asserting they were from Kentucky or Kansas or somewhere, learned at the same time we did that "hooker" is a term of endearment. And they loved it. This year, there's more to love about Fauxgirls!, including a dinner menu and a new venue next door to Union Square and the Powell cable-car turnaround. Produced by accomplished drag personage Victoria Secret, Fauxgirls! is hosted by Alexandria and includes a cast of sparkling female impersonators (and Bobby, the token butch) in a show involving lip-synching, singing, audience participation, generous tipping, and getting called "hooker." 415-421-8700

Stand-Up Paddleboarding Lessons

Ongoing
Boardsports 1200 Clay, San Francisco North Beach/ Chinatown

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When the ancient Polynesians invented surfing, they often used a paddle to help them navigate. Fast-forward a few millennia, and Stand-Up Paddleboarding, or SUP, finds itself trendy again. Part of its increasing popularity is that standing upright allows surfers to spot waves more easily and thus catch more of them, multiplying the fun factor. Paddling back to the wave becomes less of a strain as well. The ability to cruise along on flat inland water, surveying the sights, is another advantage. Finally, it’s a good core workout. If you’re sold on the idea, schedule an intro SUP lesson, free with board and paddle rental, and you may find yourself riding the waves like a Polynesian king. 415-385-1224

All You Can Eat Free Buffet at the Gold Club

Mondays-Fridays, 11:30 a.m.-2 p.m.


The Gold Club World Class Gentlemen’s Club and Restaurant present the All You Can Eat FREE BUFFET! This lunch featuring country fried chicken, crumb crusted mac and cheese, homemade lasagna and more has won Best of San Francisco four years in a row. Enjoy an award-winning lunch Monday through Friday 11:30 a.m. ’til 2:00 p.m.

Paxton Gate Storyhour

Thursdays, 12 p.m.

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Have you ever seen a Gritchen in your kitchen? Or dared to dance with the One-Legged Zantz? We can’t think of a better time to start than during the final days before Christmas. Long out of print, Don’t Bump the Glump was Shel Silverstein’s first and strangest collection of children’s verse (never mind that many of these poems debuted in Playboy), and its reprint found a natural home on the elite bookshelves of Paxton Gate’s Curiosity for Kids. Happily, this is just one of many superb titles that might get chosen during the weekly, sweetly, sit-my-wee-one-down Paxton Gate Storyhour. This is place where Pecos Bill rubs shoulders with Mike Mulligan, and The Little Prince contemplates the Great Ball of Fire!, a poetic explanation of the universe by local teacher Betty-Ann Kissilove. These books are lovingly selected, either for their time-tested charm, power to illuminate, or, in the case of some collections, the strength and beauty of specific illustrators. For first-time listeners, a better setting might not be found. Lacking all condescension, the store is festooned with gnarled tree branches, old rope, strange hand-knitted taxidermy, and a display of original artwork. This month’s artist is Lela Shields, whose fine line drawings befit a Scandinavian fairy tale where the veil between human, animal, and spirit worlds is thin indeed. 252-9990

Beach Blanket Babylon

Wednesdays-Sundays
Club Fugazi 678 Green, San Francisco North Beach/ Chinatown


Every San Franciscan has a list of local activities they haven't done that the average visitor to this city probably has. For us, that was Beach Blanket Babylon, the North Beach musical revue famous for its huge hats and culture-skewering whimsy. The show comes recommended by seemingly every travel guide, as well as local newspaper critics. But BBB is one of those things, like going to Alcatraz or eating clam chowder in a bread bowl, that a self-respecting San Franciscan probably wouldn't be inclined to do on their own. This is a mistake. The story follows Snow White on her search for love across the world and the pop culture universe. Along the way we encounter hilariously rendered versions of seemingly every major figure in the pop canon: Prince, Elvis, James Brown, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Michael Jackson, Adele, Tina Turner, even Nicki Minaj. The BBB script must get rewritten constantly, because there were lines in a recent production referencing events that only took place a week ago. And they were funny. Not tepid, and not stand-up comedy-level risque, but somewhere in between. In fact there were few moments during the 90-minute show when most of the audience wasn't laughing. So yeah: BBB might seem like one of those S.F. activities only tourists will enjoy. It's definitely not. 415-421-4222

Alcatraz Night Tour

Mondays, Thursdays-Sundays

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Alcatraz -- "The Rock" -- is one of those tours that you have to take at least once, whether you're local or just visiting. The abandoned prison sitting on an island about a mile and a half off the city's north shore was home to some of the most infamous names in crime, including Al Capone, it was the site of a Native American occupation, and it's still home to the oldest operating lighthouse on the West Coast. The Rock's got its ghosts, and there can be no better time than night to explore its dilapidated old corridors -- especially if it's a foggy night. 415-981-7625

The Salon Doré

Tuesdays-Sundays
Legion of Honor 100 34th Ave., San Francisco Richmond (Outer)

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The Legion of Honor today reopens its incredible French period room, The Salon Doré. The type of room, particular to pre-revolutionary France, was called the salon de compagnie, or salon for conversation. "There was no eating," explains the Legion's curator of European decorative arts and sculpture, Martin Chapman. "They just sat and made conversation and it was the [woman of the house's] ability to hold the conversation. It was a bit like being an actor." Although fake conversations were perfectly acceptable in 1780s France, there's nothing fake about this room — its paint, furniture, paneling, upholstery, and gold gilding have been completely refurbished over the past 18 months. The museum's painstaking efforts have fully restored the room to its original splendor. "When used," Chapman says, "there is a whole orchestration — there's a sort of ballet that plays out in these salons."

415-750-3600

Hiking Yoga

Mondays-Saturdays

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Eric Kipp may be brilliant. Without a doubt, the spirit of San Francisco itself pulses quickly in his veins, because he is the creator of Hiking Yoga. It's exactly what it sounds like; you follow the charge up one of our butt-bustin' hills, and once you're up there, the organizer/sherpas hand out mats and water, and you do some yoga. The courses are chosen for their vistas as well as for their challenges: City-proud fitness nuts, prepare to fall in painful workout love.

San Francisco City Guides Walking Tours

Ongoing

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As a self-described "logical extension of a free public library," our local free walking-tour company is, like most libraries, a fascinating mash of nerdy and white-hot rad. The San Francisco City Guides walking tours happen every day (except major holidays), are free, and follow in the footsteps of hypereducated history nuts who hand out copies of secret, illuminating documents while pointing out the beauty all around us. What's more, in the best-weather months of May and October, the Guides offer extra tours, bringing the weekly count up to 114. Among the tours offered: Palace Hotel, Russian Hill Stairways, Castro: Tales of the Village, Pacific Heights Mansions, Ferry Building, and Market Street: Path of Gold. The Diego Rivera tour, offered Mondays, is one of our favorites — the City Club (formerly the Stock Exchange building) at 155 Sansome is normally closed to the public; the mural, Allegory of California, is pure weird radiant Rivera sorcery. 415-557-4266

Animal Attraction

Ongoing
California Academy of Sciences 55 Music Concourse, San Francisco Richmond (Inner)

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In ancient Rome, the god of fertility was honored in February, with ceremonial love lotteries and mock-floggings with a bloody goatskin. Even those are a pale reflection of truly bizarre courtships that unfold in the natural world. For example, the common garden snail is a hermaphrodite that carries both sets of genitals near its head. Once a week, it engages a new companion in an orgy of sensual caresses until the moment of genital penetration, when the “top” suddenly stabs its partner with a very sharp barb. (The snail’s “love dart” is tipped with a chemical compound that acts as an antidote for the critters’ natural birth control.) Taking a page from Isabella Rossellini’s award-winning Green Porno, the much-anticipated exhibit “Animal Attraction” explores all kinds of strange reproductive rituals. One is the creepy anglerfish, the male of which sinks his teeth into his mate and dissolves until nothing is left but gonads. Another is the exquisite bower bird, which attracts a partner through song, dance, and flamboyant architectural feats. Daily programs include dives in the world’s deepest living coral exhibit to shed light on reef reproduction; somewhat awkward demonstrations of bee dancing, which is crucial to pollination; and regular feedings of the African penguins, which we know form long-lasting same-sex couples in captivity. 415-379-8000

NightLife

Thursdays, 6-10 p.m.
California Academy of Sciences 55 Music Concourse, San Francisco Richmond (Inner)

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It doesn't get more sophisticated than a cocktail in one hand and no children in sight. Add some jellyfish, dim lights, and a second cocktail in the other hand and you've got NightLife at the Academy of Sciences held every Thursday night from 6-10 p.m. The evening caters specifically to the 21+ crowd and offers a new theme each week. The night is perfect for those in the mood to mingle and explore the wonders of our world. Don't forget your IDs! 415-379-8000

Air Conditioning

Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, 7 p.m. and Saturdays, 9 a.m.
House of Air 926 Mason, San Francisco The Presidio

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You like to have your butt thoroughly kicked, do you not? You may have already kicked your own butt with dance class, yoga class, brutal hikes, standard gym visits, athletic sex, or what have you, but have you done it on a trampoline? At Air Conditioning classes, use the power of bouncing to intensify the kicking of your butt: Your teacher shows you how to make everything extradifficult — and funny! Think about it: Even simple push-ups become excitingly and core-strengtheningly unstable when performed on suspended elastic. The facilities include nice showers, because you’re gonna need ’em. 415-345-9675

16th and Mission Poetry Slam

Thursdays, 9 p.m.
16th St. BART Station 2000 Mission St., San Francisco Mission/ Bernal Heights

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Sometimes, we need a little bit more than just poetry and music. Sometimes we have the urge to witness a wild-eyed man with one sweater sleeve missing shove pieces of paper into a coconut and then set it on fire - all while someone yells about why bird porn is a serious issue. The 16th & Mission Poetry Slam is the place to see uncensored local performing arts. It's a true battlefield for the performer, and like the evil tyrants we secretly are, we relish watching artists become performance gladiators inside the event's iconic chalk-circle stage area.No one is censored or held back, and there is no microphone - you have to belt it out to overcome the sound of traffic, crazy people, and of course, to hold the attention of the crowd. There also isn't a sign-up sheet -- if you want to perform you run into the chalk circle and claim your spot (more than one person means rock-paper-scissors.) This slam is a delicious ball of music, poetry, performance art, and eccentric misfits. We do feel obligated to give a friendly warning to the faint of heart; the slam can get a little hectic, there was an arrest the last time we attended. Yet if you're looking for a local fix of art, here it is, flaming coconuts and all.

"Peaches": Peaches

Thursdays, 10 p.m.
Skylark Bar 3089 16th St., San Francisco Mission/ Bernal Heights

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Ever since she was a child, Bay Area DJ ThatGirl has been interested in street art and its connection to the hip-hop movement. However, it wasn't until she attended a rave in 1997 that she discovered her desire to channel this creativity into music, most notably turntablism. She soon purchased her own set of DJ tools and quickly gained respect in the community with her turntable skills and ability to uniquely set the mood for events as diverse as B-boy battles and art show openings. ThatGirl is also known as part of the Peaches crew, a weekly all-girl DJ party in the Mission that has been going strong since 2009. We caught up with ThatGirl to talk about her love of art, why she is "that girl," and what we can expect to hear at her parties.

Give us a little background on how you got into art and DJing.

It all started off with a fascination for graffiti. In kindergarten, on the way to school each morning, our bus would pass by these walls that were always covered with crazy colorful letterforms. For some reason, I imagined a lone phantom artist behind all of it, who only came out at night to create. Although I didn't understand what I was seeing, I became obsessed with it. I would try absorbing everything I could, and drawing what I saw in a notebook. Pretty soon, I observed that this particular kind of artwork appeared throughout the city. I was amazed at how much this lone artist got around and I wanted to be a phantom artist, too.

It wasn't until a few years later that I really understood what I was actually seeing. My dad took me to the public library one afternoon and I spotted this book with cover art that resembled what I was seeing all around the city. The book was called Subway Art. I soon discovered that it wasn't just one artist behind it all, it was a whole movement of artists. I learned about this whole subcultural explosion called graffiti and that it was part of an even bigger movement called hip-hop. My mind was absolutely blown and my imagination went wild. I dabbled with graffiti for a few years and then eventually got curious about DJing. The '80s were definitely a creative golden era that I was fortunate to have been born and raised in.

How did you come up with ThatGirl as your moniker?

Being active in a male dominated subculture, I was always referred to as "that girl." I would always hear comments like "Oh, it's that girl," or "There goes that girl again." The label kind of just stuck.

How did you get into turntablism?

I got curious about DJing after attending my first rave in 1997. I was 16 years old. The party was held in a warehouse in Oakland called Homebase. The party was a Halloween event called Tribal Massive. Crystal Method and DJ Dan were the main headliners. In another room, DJ Qbert and Kid Koala held down a four-turntable set. On either side of them stood these giant, life-sized lava lamps. The ambiance was out of this world. They were playing all kinds of weird shit; I couldn't really pinpoint one genre. I remember the dancers getting down the whole night until the sun came up. The energy was amazing, and I was fascinated by the way these two DJs were able to move the crowd. After that I saved up to buy my first DJ-in-a-box set.

Since turntablism was so male-dominated when you started your career, did you feel more pressure to be at the top of your game for every gig?

When I first started, I found that some of my male counterparts were very supportive while others were very territorial. I even had one gig where the guys wouldn't let me get on the turntables at all, even though my name was on the bill. Similar to the graffiti scene, I knew that I was automatically under a microscope given the uneven gender balance, and that weak first impressions were very unforgiving. This uneven gender balance is what gave me the advantage of being noticed; however, I quickly learned that riding on gender and sexuality alone wasn't enough to establish respect or longevity. Bay Area music connoisseurs had a knack for spotting the fake and the gimmicky. I learned of the power and responsibility attached to my female sexuality. I recognized that before I could be in a place where I could rework any negative stereotypes into a constructive light, I first needed to be in a place where I could prove myself and be accepted as equal to male DJs skill-wise.

Do you feel female DJs are represented positively these days, or do you see some negative backlash?

These days there are a lot more female DJs in the scene, so gender is not as big of an issue as it used to be.

You're known mainly for your soul and funk groove sounds. What attracted you to these genres?

I think DJs, musicians, and artists in general have the power to shape culture and values of society. I tend to gravitate towards music with reflective themes, nostalgic rhythms, uplifting vibes, and righteous lyrics — music that brings the listener back to the soul. But don't get me wrong, I also love that grimy, bass-driven, body-rolling, party-rock sound when appropriate. My point is, let us not be at the exclusive control of Clear Channel programming.

Tell us a little of how you connected with the weekly Peaches party.

Although Peaches was the mastermind of the lovely Masaye Waugh, it was actually pretty destined that we all came together. DJs Umami, Inkfat, Deeandroid, and Lady Fingaz are among the most talented and down-to-earth DJs I've ever had the pleasure of working with. Although our styles differ, we all came together because of our same drive and passion for music. What keeps us together is our common appreciation for alcoholic beverages, food, conversation, and sick humor.

How has this weekly managed to stay so successful?

Because we all get along and work together so well, we enjoy the company of our weekly regulars, and we like to make money for what we love doing.

Lastly, what can we expect to hear this week at Peaches?

Soul-shaking, beat-bumping, hip-swaying, revolutionary fist-pumping, baby-making music.


415-621-9294

"Next Level Thursdays": Next Level Thursdays

Thursdays, 10 p.m.
Temple 540 Howard, San Francisco South of Market

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415-978-9942

Hop Along

Thu., April 18, 9 p.m. and Fri., April 19, 9 p.m.
The Independent 628 Divisadero, San Francisco Haight/ Fillmore


w/ Summer Cannibals 415-771-1420

Simone Young Conducts Rimsky-Korsakov’s Scheherazade

Thu., April 18, 8 p.m., Fri., April 19, 8 p.m. and Sat., April 20, 8 p.m.
Davies Symphony Hall 201 Van Ness, San Francisco Hayes Valley/ Tenderloin

Buy Tickets$76-$159


415-864-6000

Aida Rodriguez

Wed., April 17, 8 p.m., Thu., April 18, 8 p.m., Fri., April 19, 7:30 & 9:45 p.m. and Sat., April 20, 7:30 & 9:45 p.m.
Punch Line 444 Battery, San Francisco Embarcadero


Aida Rodriguez is new Afro-Latina, taking the world of entertainment by storm with her wit, strong performances, and charismatic personality. Making history as the first Latina to appear in two specials airing in one month on both HBO and Showtime, Rodriguez was handpicked by director Taylor Hackford for his film “The Comedian” starring Robert De Niro. In 2017, Coca Cola Global Women’s LINC Conference sponsored Rodriguez’s speech that modeled a TED Talk. Rodriguez has also appeared on Comedy Central’s The Nightly Show, five-time host of the PBS Imagen Awards, NBC's Last Comic Standing finals, TRUtv’s Laff Tracks, Fox Laughs, Nickelodeon Mom’s Night Out and Parental Discretion 415-397-7573

The Importance of Being Earnest

Fri., April 12, 8-10:30 p.m., Sat., April 13, 8-10:30 p.m., Sun., April 14, 2-4:30 p.m., Tue., April 16, 7-9:30 p.m., Wed., April 17, 7-9:30 p.m., Thu., April 18, 8-10:30 p.m., Fri., April 19, 8-10:30 p.m., Sat., April 20, 8-10:30 p.m., Sun., April 21, 2-4:30 & 7-9:30 p.m., Tue., April 23, 7-9:30 p.m., Wed., April 24, 7-9:30 p.m., Thu., April 25, 8-10:30 p.m., Fri., April 26, 8-10:30 p.m., Sat., April 27, 8-10:30 p.m., Sun., April 28, 2-4:30 & 7-9:30 p.m., Tue., April 30, 7-9:30 p.m., Wed., May 1, 7-9:30 p.m., Thu., May 2, 8-10:30 p.m., Fri., May 3, 8-10:30 p.m., Sat., May 4, 8-10:30 p.m., Sun., May 5, 2-4:30 & 7-9:30 p.m., Tue., May 7, 7-9:30 p.m., Wed., May 8, 7-9:30 p.m., Thu., May 9, 8-10:30 p.m., Fri., May 10, 8-10:30 p.m., Sat., May 11, 8-10:30 p.m. and Sun., May 12, 2-4:30 & 7-9:30 p.m.
Aurora Theatre Company 2081 Addison, Berkeley Downtown Berkeley

Buy Tickets$40-$70


By Oscar Wilde | Directed By Josh Costello One of the funniest comedies ever scribed, Oscar Wilde’s most popular play has entertained theatre-goers for over a century. Everyone is in love with Ernest, the irresistible bad boy of London society. The trouble is, Ernest doesn’t exist. Oscar Wilde fills this uproarious farce with delicious bon mots, as two pairs of young lovers scramble to untangle their own web of lies and win the approval of the imperious Lady Bracknell. Earnest is a wildly entertaining “trivial comedy for serious people,” that sparkles with dazzling wordplay and hilariously unlikely situations. 510-843-4822

Comedy Baseball

Thu., April 11, 9 p.m., Thu., April 18, 9 p.m., Thu., April 25, 9 p.m., Thu., May 2, 9 p.m., Thu., May 9, 9 p.m., Thu., May 16, 9 p.m., Thu., May 23, 9 p.m., Thu., June 13, 9 p.m., Thu., June 20, 9 p.m., Thu., June 27, 9 p.m., Wed., July 3, 9 p.m., Thu., July 11, 9 p.m., Thu., July 18, 9 p.m., Thu., July 25, 9 p.m., Thu., Aug. 1, 9 p.m., Thu., Aug. 8, 9 p.m. and Thu., Aug. 15, 9 p.m.
PianoFight 144 Taylor, San Francisco Hayes Valley/ Tenderloin

Buy Tickets$15


Two teams of comedians play a custom baseball video game that's controlled by telling jokes. 415-816-3691

1906 Earthquake Ceremony

Wed., April 18, 5:12 a.m.
Lotta's Fountain Third St. & Market St., San Francisco South of Market

Christopher Ford

Third Thursday of every month, 4 p.m.
The Saloon 1232 Grant, San Francisco North Beach/ Chinatown

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415-989-7666

3rd on Third

Third Thursday of every month, 5-8 p.m.
Bayview Opera House 4705 Third St., San Francisco Bayview-Hunters Point

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Featuring live music, food, art, kids' activities, and more. 415-864-0386

Deep Dive

Third Thursday of every month, 6-9:30 p.m.
The Marine Mammal Center 2000 Bunker Road, Sausalito Sausalito


A monthly after-hours party that combines cocktails (for humans) with nighttime feedings (for the MMC's animal patients) and presentations about science and nature.

San Francisco Living Wage Coalition

Third Thursday of every month, 7 p.m.
995 Market 995 Market, San Francisco South of Market


General meeting. 415-243-8133

Live Classic Country: Liam McCloskey

Third Thursday of every month, 8-10:30 p.m.
The Lucky Horseshoe 453 Cortland, San Francisco Mission/ Bernal Heights

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Playin' Live Classic Country Music with Liam McCloskey & Friends 415-795-3860

Gin House Blues

Third Thursday of every month, 8-11 p.m.
Whitechapel Gin Bar 600 Polk Street, San Francisco Hayes Valley/ Tenderloin

Buy TicketsFree

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w/ Howell Devine

"Jazz at George's"

Third Thursday of every month, 9 p.m.
George's Nightclub 842 Fourth St., San Rafael San Rafael

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Bi-monthly jazz showcase by Urban Music Presents. 877-568-2726

"Werk It"

Third Thursday of every month, 9 p.m.
Laszlo 2532 Mission, San Francisco Mission/ Bernal Heights

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w/ DJ Kool Karlo 415-648-7000

"Redisco: Thrift Shop Thursdays": Redisco: Thrift Shop Thursdays

Third Thursday of every month, 9 p.m.
Madrone Art Bar 500 Divisadero, San Francisco Haight/ Fillmore

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415-241-0202

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