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Dan Siegler

News, Feature Don't Park There

Don't Park There

Anyone who's spent more than an hour in San Francisco is painfully familiar with our city's schizophrenic parking laws. There are two sets of parking rules in this town: the formal regulations found on the books, and the informal regulations…
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News, Dog Bites

Raiders of the Lost Key

In 1973 the Rev. Sun Myung Moon got one. The Dalai Lama received his in 1979. Placido Domingo's was bestowed in 1983. We're talking, of course, about the Key to San Francisco. You know, the oversize faux door opener the…
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News, Dog Bites

The Fine Art of Restroom Rating

I fantasize about a massive, pristine convenience. Brilliant gold taps, virginal white marble, a seat carved from ebony, a cistern full of Chanel No. 5, and a flunky handing me pieces of raw silk toilet roll .... -- Mark Renton…
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News, Dog Bites

Love Bugs

Romances begin in all sorts of ways. Some are sweet. Some are strange. And some are ... well, a little bit of both. Take Lisa (not her real name) and me. We met at Kaiser Permanente on Geary. The Kaiser…
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News, Dog Bites

Tea and Hormones

On a recent Sunday morning, Dog Bites and four PMSing females visited Lovejoy's Tea Room in Noe Valley. It's surmised that Dog Bites is the only male over age 7 to ever visit Lovejoy's Tea Room. However, this could not…
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News, Dog Bites

French Fried

There's a new French bakery in our neighborhood and, as a result, we've developed a small group of Parisian friends. On a recent evening, our collection of three Americans and four Frenchies got together for an international dinner of sorts.…
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News, Dog Bites Pole Dancing Against Capitalism

Pole Dancing Against Capitalism

Last week Dog Bites received a press release about a guerrilla art performance that was to take place in the Financial District during lunch hour on Dec. 10. Dressed as a businesswoman, an artist who calls herself Olympia would pole…
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News, Feature You Grab the Monkey; We'll  Bring the Knife

You Grab the Monkey; We'll Bring the Knife

Say the words "Monkey Knife Fight" to anyone who lives in the Mission District, and you'll probably get one hell of a reaction. Prepare to be grabbed by your lapels and thrown a look of excitement and confusion, as if…
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News, Dog Bites Toy Story

Toy Story

Wandering through Valencia Street's Good Vibrations, we're feeling a bit ... uninspired. Ten-inch Cyberskin Vulva Fleshlight? Seen it. Lavender Jelly Rubber Twist Vibe With Arrow Probe? Own it. Dual-functional Latex Cock Ring Slash Devil-Hair Whip? Yawn. When did we become…
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News, Dog Bites

Say Da to Love

We had our reasons for attending the recent Singles Expo at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Burlingame. Billed as "the Bay Area's largest annual event for romantic eligibles," the expo seemed a fine opportunity to spot the latest trends in…
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