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2014: In Memoriam 

Tuesday, Dec 30 2014

Robin Williams: What it feels like when a comedy turns out to have a tragic ending.

Lexington Club: The Mission's venerable lesbian club shocked many by announcing its end-of-year shuttering in October. Rising costs were named as the cause, transforming the bar into another sad metaphor to be buried in the pauper's section of the Sign of the Times Cemetery.

The Oldest Bison in Golden Gate Park: Not, contrary to some misguided belief, animatronic, the oldest bison in Golden Gate Park, named Last Cow, died in November at the age of 22.

Empress of China: The multistory Chinatown restaurant, home to so many weddings and events in its half-century of existence, had gone downhill since the celebs in on its wall of fading headshots paid their respects. But its elaborate décor and Instagrammable views will be missed.

Candlestick Park: So ugly, uncomfortable, and dangerous, it is supposedly the real reason The Beatles broke up after playing there. But it ultimately housed two teams that get called dynasties, so that's something to think about as you watch both teams play in newer digs while you sit in your living room in the stadium seats you bought from The 'Stick before they dynamited the thing.

San Francisco Bay Guardian: A competitor, then enemy, then, to the surprise of all concerned, a sister to this very publication, the Bay Guardian served the city well when it needed a voice for the progressive, the weird, the San Franciscan. Whether its mission got muddled or the city just changed into something else entirely, the loss of yet another journalistic source of insight and critique is a loss to us all.

Santa: Once upon a time, SantaCon was created to call attention to the crass commercialism of the season. Soon enough, like other such once-noble pursuits as democracy and brunch, it became a drunken perambulation, a plague, really, in festive colors. The organizers this year decided to declare it over by staging a funeral complete with a Santa in a coffin, which processed through a crowded Union Square and was soundtracked by the wailing of many, many children.

The Panda: Pablo Sandoval got a better deal from the Boston Red Sox, which is all fine and good, but what the city will really miss are the adorable panda hats, which may soon face extinction. The online sex-services marketplace allegedly run out of good old normally square Silicon Valley was shut down by the feds in July, leaving visitors to the site titillated not by profiles of prostitutes but by the sensual curves of the official seals of the FBI, IRS, and Department of Justice. The idea of having to once again troll street corners for companionship became as weird as other obsolete activities like "making friends in real life" or "having long conversations in person."


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Brandon R. Reynolds


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