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Friday, December 18, 2015

Friday Seven: Tsk/tsk Closes NYE, Just Mayo Survives

Posted By on Fri, Dec 18, 2015 at 4:00 PM

  • Peter Lawrence Kane

Plus Turnkey at Cantina opens, Whole Foods eyes Nob Hill for its first S.F. 365 Market, and the curious case of Mast Brothers chocolate.

Tsk/tsk's Countdown to New Year's
It was always meant to be temporary, but Tsk/tsk's transition to Horsefeather is upon us. New Year's Eve will see a "beverage liiquidation," according to Eater, at which point Horsefeather will take over.
New Year's Eve Closing Party, Dec. 31, 8 p.m. - 2 a.m., at Tsk/tsk, 528 Divisadero,

Turnkey at Cantina Now Open
Fans of temporary venues will miss Tsk/tsk, but now they have Turnkey at Cantina, whose cocktail list Eater calls the "greatest hits" of everywhere its principals have worked: BDK, Burritt Room, and Jasper's Kitchen. It's not designed to last forever, but you can order food from the adjacent Hogwash. Any drinks menu with an agave section is all right by me.
Turnkey at Cantina, 580 Sutter, 415) 398-0195.

Whole Foods' First 365 Will Be on Polk and Jackson
Whole Foods' less-expensive sister grocery, 365 Market, was announced earlier this year as the company faces flagging sales among millennials. According to the Chronicle, S.F.'s first location will be in Nob Hill, assuming the community wants to grant a conditional use permit. After the fate of the proposed Castro Trader Joe's, it could hit the formula retail ban like the proverbial brick wall — but at the same time, it's not easy to find a non-chain tenant for a 36,000-square-foot space.

Rand Paul's Mug on a Mug
Presidential tchotchkes are a great way for campaigns to raise money without those pesky contribution forms getting in the way, but the Rand Paul mug looks suspiciously like a riff on the Starbucks War on Christmas fiasco, which I will never let die. It's only a silhouette of the Kentucky senator and ophthalmologist, so his weird hair is hard to make out, but the advertising copy wades into libertarianism thusly: "What's important is that every mug serves up 15 ounces of hot freedom...and who doesn't like hot freedom!"

Yelp and OpenTable Go Separate Ways
Yelp, already facing pressure from Facebook's in-house service that aims to do something similar, is now untethered to OpenTable, according to the Business Times. Its 2013 acquisition of SeatMe pushed Yelp into the reservation game, and now OpenTable is doing its own reviews. This is like a marriage where both parties realized they'd aged together so well they'd basically become the same person.

It Depends on the Meaning of Just
Just Mayo seems to have survived its legal challenge owing to the multiple definitions of the word "just." According to the Business Times, Hampton Foods, the parent company of the the vegan mayonnaise alternative, will have to specify that "Just" means "guided by reason, justice, and fairness" as opposed to a synonym for "merely." Will this satisfy Unilever? We'll just have to wait and see.

click to enlarge The Mast Brothers - THEHUSTLE.CO
  • The Mast Brothers

A Chocolate Bust?

The Mast Brothers, the beardy, bravado-fueled chocolatiers and epitome of artisanal hipsterdom, appear to have been conning everybody from the start. Quartz has the rundown on all their many sins, which include melting down Valrhona chocolate and repackaging it, lying about their production methods' originality, cultivating beards only to enhance their brand, and overusing the term "bean to bar." As with Bernie Madoff and Jayson Blair, there were chocolate-industry insiders trying to draw attention to Michael and Rick Mast's fraud from the beginning, but the con kept spreading with each $10 chocolate bar in an anchor-print, wallpaper-like wrapper. This is the best sentence of Quartz's takedown: "The tour guide at the Williamsburg factory told Quartz that the brothers figured everything out themselves through 'trial and error,' referencing only ancient Incan or Mayan (she couldn’t remember which) techniques."

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About The Author

Peter Lawrence Kane

Peter Lawrence Kane is SF Weekly's Arts Editor. He has lived in San Francisco since 2008 and is two-thirds the way toward his goal of visiting all 59 national parks.


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