Each week, we take a quick, cautious look at food TV. This week, Invention Hunters, a half-hour show about hunger in America, Mondays at 9 p.m.
With Invention Hunters, the Food Network returns to a genre it's had much success with in the past, the Tumbledown Effort Outside Our Core Competency That Wastes Everyone's Time But We're All Going To Die Anyway So What the Hell Let's Do This Thing (See Mystery Diners).
It purports to be a search for the "next great kitchen gadget," and this is an honorable goal, for who doesn't need another kitchen gadget? Just the other day I was looking around the kitchen for a device to put char marks on a fig and thought, Why don't I have a pan solely for empanadas? Why don't I have a special knife for cutting papayas? Why am I still using water in my ice cubes and not a special gel? Why doesn't my salad spinner have a digital clock? When is my iPad going to be able to pop up my neighbor's toast? WHO'S GOING TO MAKE IT SO I CAN COOK A CHICKEN ON THE FLOOR WITH NOTHING BUT A POWER VAC?
Fortunately, we now have Invention Hunters. Each episode, the hosts travel around the country (ha), find three wonderful new kitchen gadgets, whittle those viciously down to the one candidate with the most promise, and carry that on a gilded ark to the executives at Lifetime Brands, who decide if they want to give it a licensing deal and a new suit.
In the premiere episode, hosts Patrick Raymond and A Guy Who Looks Like Stanley Tucci (hereafter Stanley Tucci) get in a compact car and drive around looking for new inventions.
The first one they find is called Sippin' Snacker. This is a terrible plastic thing and the less said about it the better. We're done here.
The next one is called Drinkin' Duck, a plastic thing you put over the opening in a soda can. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Rubes.
If you're not as gossip-driven as I am, here's a summary: Bourdain called out his fellow Food Network star Deen when she came out as a diabetic, despite pitching recipes like the one where she manages to sneak a stick of butter into ambrosia. Drool.
Some of it was that awful spell that gets cast on you when you hear about a spat between people in your world, be it friends or family, or if your priorities are totally fucked, people on TV.
Part of it was because I'm an adult-onset Type 2 diabetic. So even though I think Bourdain is the biggest douche nozzle east of Piedmont, I see his point. But I also see Paula's. It's kind of a personal thing, and I even struggled with mentioning it in this forum. But I like you, so I did.
There is no doubt that this presents a challenge in the search for tasty medibles. For various reasons, most of what you see are sweets, from peanut butter cups to the ubiquitous rice krispy treat. More vendors are getting into sugar-free options, and that's great. But still, how about a little balance between sweet and savory, eh?
Nora's Patisserie (29 San Pedro Road), located on a non-descript stretch in Colma, is a hidden treasure for appreciators of pastries in general -- and tea cookies in particular. Seriously, if you want to die in tea cookie heaven, this is the place.
