Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Discover The Wisdom of Ill Fortune Cookies

Posted By on Thu, Dec 29, 2011 at 12:00 PM

Caution: These cookies might cause drowsiness. - TAMARA PALMER
  • Tamara Palmer
  • Caution: These cookies might cause drowsiness.
One would think there would be many novelty fortune cookies in the Bay Area since the treat was birthed here, but iLL Fortune Cookies are the first we've seen here since the racist missives of yore from the (we think) now defunct Fat Fong's Dirty Fortune Cookies, which offered notes such as "Fat Fong say: I no come, wife no come, baby come, how come?"

Intrigued by a brief mention on Eater, we recently ordered a box of 20 iLL Fortune cookies ($12) from Union City, the home of the newish iLL Fortune company.

These are standard fortune cookies, no better or worse than what you'll encounter at an average Chinese restaurant, but there's something irresistible about the way this quintessentially San Francisco invention has been injected with a dose of East Bay sass.

This was immediately apparent upon the cracking of the first iLL Fortune:

You were just roofied

Oh, but the violence didn't end there! The second try brought up another doozy:

Within one month you will be stabbed by a clown

After that, the messages calmed down a bit, but were clearly not aimed at building up anyone's self-esteem:

You will meet your future stalker today

Your likeness to a Hobbit will not serve you well in the dating world

Most would feel sufficiently emotionally battered after that, but in the interest of research, we kept going:

The rest of your life is uphill

We found that one a great place to stop for now. The rest of our iLL Fortunes will be dispersed to unknowing victims friends.

Follow us on Twitter: @sfoodieand like us on Facebook.
  • Pin It

Tags: , ,

About The Author

Tamara Palmer


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"