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3. Soap
We're not sure where the idea for cleanliness and breakfast came together -- in the shower, perhaps -- but it seems someone has missed an essential fact: Crispy pork fat doesn't suggest cleanliness. We would also advise against shepherd's pie shampoo, grilled cheese conditioner, and Reuben sandwich face wash if you're looking for that squeaky clean feeling. And yes, while ocean, citrus, or lavender may not be very appealing either, there is something called unscented soap, which does a fine job and is usually only a couple of bucks.
2. Toys
Nothing says creepy uncle gift like snugly, plush bacon. We're baffled by the thought anyone under the age of 10 would put this on a Christmas list, mostly because we think upon unwrapping these playful meats they're likely to say, "What is that?" But alas, creepy uncle has thought of everything: Any time someone squeezes it, the pork meat strip toy will call out: "I'm bacon!" Sure fire way to get any three year old crying in no time.
