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Friday, September 23, 2011

The Meat Industry Lies, Banana Cream Pie Rules, & You Better Work (for Vegan Cheese)!

Posted By on Fri, Sep 23, 2011 at 2:30 PM


The National Pork Producers Council is still denying that it's at all responsible for antibiotic resistance in humans. In related news, Olestra wants you to know it's only responsible for solid shits and Joe Camel says, "Smoke if you got 'em!"

Leave me in the ocean or I'll eat your baby's eyeballs - ISTOCK
  • iStock
  • Leave me in the ocean or I'll eat your baby's eyeballs

Former Sea World trainer says captivity of killer whales causes attacks on humans. NO FUCKING DUH. I've said it before and I'll say it again, they're called KILLER WHALES for a reason. They will HUNT YOU DOWN. They are the gang members of the sea. They will stalk you for days, and then when you can run no longer, they will kill your baby just to eat his eyeballs. Seriously, do not mess.

Work for Food For Lovers and be the happiest person alive. The vegan queso company is looking for reps all over, including San Francisco, and my understanding of the job responsibilities include sitting in a bathtub filled with delicious queso and then collecting millions of dollars. Get this job and take me with you!

West Hollywood bans fur sales. Has it ever once ever been cold enough in WeHo (I can call it that, I'm an asshole) to wear fur? Way to take a stand! But still, it's a nice gesture and one that will hopefully be followed everywhere else by everyone with a heart and a brain. Oh wait, that's already happend! It's those other idiots we have to convince not to drape themselves in carcasses.

Biz Stone loves Millennium because he knows what is UP.

• The owners and operators of the container ship that spilled 53,000 gallons of oil into the SF Bay in 2007 which, among other shitty things, killed thousands of birds, is finally being fined. The $44.4 million they owe will go towards bay restoration. Now, I don't know much about these things, so is that a lot of money for something like this? Or is the bay getting screwed? It sounds like a lot of money to me but it's like $5 for a Diet Coke these days so maybe I'm wrong? Anyone?

• Make me this coconut whipped cream asap. And then put it on top of this banana cream pie. And then let's eat it off each other's bodies and then you should probably wash your mouth out with bleach because I haven't showered in a crow's age.

Laura Beck is a founding editor of Vegansaurus! and tweets at mrpenguino.
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Laura Beck


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