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Friday, August 19, 2011

Your Government Hates You, Fat Elvis Pudding Pops, & Bill Clinton Still Vegan, Still Fi-one!

Posted By on Fri, Aug 19, 2011 at 2:20 PM

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click to enlarge Urkel speaks for the USDA.
  • Urkel speaks for the USDA.

60,000 more pounds of beef recalled because of an E. coli scare! I hope you see this in time to send back your shit meat, America! If not, the USDA says, "SOWWY!" Except you shouldn't believe them because just like a lying, cheating piece of shit boyfriend, they'll be doing the same thing next week and the week after that. Shut it down!

The Big Dog is still vegan and loving it! Bow wow wow, motherfuckers! Now, we all know that Bill Clinton is the sexiest, skeeviest, smartest guy around so if he's praising the powers of veganism, you best act like ya heard! Something else you should know about Clinton: I'd hit it. I know, it's totally gross, he's like a million years old and made of sewn together chicken parts but I can't help it.

• Vegan goddess, Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, is having a book book release party for her latest, The 30 Day Vegan Challenge! It's this Sunday, Aug. 21, from 1 to 4 p.m. at Millennium (delicious). There will be giveaways, a question-and-answer session with Colleen, a raffle, hors d'œuvres, and everything else great. Tickets are $25 so you don't even have to break the bank for a book, snacks, and a chance to give Colleen Patrick-Goudreau a back rub. (And then maybe get thrown in jail. GOOD LUCK!)

Vida Vegan Con is coming up next weekend! It's a conference for vegan bloggers to meet up and talk about how we're the best and everyone else is the worst and eat until we puke so that we may eat some more. Seriously, it's gonna be so great. I would say you should come but it's been sold out for like 5 years. SOWWY!

• So, you know that OUR GOVERNMENT with OUR MONEY bought $40 MILLION worth of chicken that nobody wanted? Because the chicken industry is killing more birds than ever, even though demand for dead birds is slightly waning. UGH YOU CANNOT WIN AGAINST PURE EVIL AND STUPIDITY. Paul Shapiro of the Humane Society of the United States wrote up a piece about this over at VegNews and it's a highly informative read so what are you still doing here?

Make me these vegan Fat Elvis Pudding Pops. Cosby approved!

The Ration has a great video up of what it's like to go undercover at a factory farm. This is some for real behind-the-scenes shit and it's fascinating. I am indebted to these brave people who go into these hellscapes to bring us the truth, it's truly incredible work. Me? I'd be in a corner crying and then, after my psychotic break (give me 10 minutes), be in jail for murdering EVERYONE.

• The USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service announced on Monday that it will be taking greater measures to ensure the humane treatment of animals at livestock facilities. Major lolz. They outline the things they won't stand for, which include "excessive beating" and no more, "running equipment over conscious animals." Seriously, there have to be GUIDELINES for this. How fucking sad is that? It's the saddest. And you know they won't be followed, and when farms are caught in violation, they'll get a slap on the wrist. Business as usual! It won't help improve SHIT, because the only thing that can improve life for those animals is getting them the fuck out of that situation. It doesn't take a genius! Although I am one! Never forget that!

21% of college kids are limiting their meat consumption in some way. They're probably also doing drugs and experimenting sexually but you know what? I'm cool with all those things. Young hearts, run free!

Laura Beck is a founding editor of Vegansaurus! and tweets at mrpenguino.
Follow SFoodie on Twitter: @SFoodie, and like us on Facebook.

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Laura Beck

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