The first two minutes of last night's Top Chef Masters were exciting, as cheftestant John S. had to leave because of an emergency at home. Naomi, of Portland's Beast, smirked that the competition was one person less stiff and then ... last week's reject got to return! Hugh, master of the salty scallop, was resurrected. We were glad to see his pursed lips again.
The Quickfire was balls to the wall, as the masters had to make their own meatballs. The twist: They had to mince their own meat with tiny handheld grinders, form balls, and plate, all in 30 minutes.
Kelis (you know, the girl whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard) was the guest judge. Shocking fact: She's a trained chef ― we always thought "milkshake" referred to booby-shakin', not some actual gourmet milk beverage. Non-shocking fact: Kelis loves meatballs.
The chefs were so annoyed by Kelis's critiques, it was awesome. She compromised dishes by refusing to eat the bread around a ball sandwich, then complained if it was too salty. S.F.'s own Traci was more than irritated when Kelis said her balls were bland, mentioning dill when in fact it was tarragon she was tasting. Then she refused to eat her consommé with a spoon.
Hugh was mad that Kelis didn't like the yogurt in his balls. His response: "We are talking about Mediterranean, where these flavors are used in conjunction all the time. They work together; it's just pointless criticism." The Kelis nonsense continued, as she called his broth "show-offy," explaining that everything should "stand up on its own." Silly chefs ― Kelis liked her balls straight up, then wanted to talk curve appeal. She finally found something she liked in John C.'s Vietnamese chicken balls.
The Elimination challenge took us back to the '60s. The cheftestants drew fondue sticks and came up with things like chicken a la king, oysters Rockefeller, beef stroganoff.... Buxom redhead Christina Hendricks (Joan from Mad Men) and her real-life hubby, Geoffrey Arend (from Body of Proof) appeared. Self-described foodies, they explained how they're surrounded by all this dated food at Mad Men cocktail parties and they just don't like it. Cue the cheftestants, who were tasked with making appetizer portions of these classic dishes side-by-side with updated versions to serve at one of the Hollywood couple's parties.
It seemed simple enough, but we couldn't stop laughing at the chef who had no clue about ambrosia.
Suvir is still our favorite: He's so calm and confident, admiring his red shoes. When all of the burners were spoken for and he felt like a refugee, he helped the others so they'd get done faster rather than acting like a diva. He even put his veal in the deep-fryer, the only cooking station not occupied. A cheftestant in a similar predicament was Sue. They both sacrificed themselves so others could get their dishes done first.
The winner was Mary Sue for her very clever deviled eggs. The modern version was a Japanese-style poached egg with umeboshi and mustard-miso mayonnaise.
The bottom three included the selfless Sue and Suvir, along with Alessandro, who made a chai-scented-candle version of bread pudding. The judges' choice was between shoe-leather veal, empty plates, or bad puddin'. Final verdict: The chef who didn't finish plating had to go. Bye, Sue!
