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Thursday, May 21, 2015

FDA to Accept Blood From Gay Men Living Sad, Desperate Lives

Posted By on Thu, May 21, 2015 at 2:41 PM

WAVEBREAKMEDIA
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New FDA regulations announced this month have lifted the lifetime ban on gay and bisexual men giving blood, and instead allow much needed blood donations from gays living sad lives of desperate loneliness.

Current rules, instituted during the AIDS epidemic in 1985, prohibited blood donations from men who have had sex with men. Advocates have long argued that the ban is discriminatory against lonely, unloved, gay men who have once had sex but whose spark of life is now slowly diminishing year after year from a lack of basic human contact.

“This is a tremendous step forward,” said FDA spokesman Jack Burman. “By adopting these rules, the FDA is creating a safe space where gay sexuality doesn’t interfere with the workings of society — a metaphorical ‘closet,’ if you will, that all gay men can step into any time they want to be treated like members of mainstream society.”

Added Burman: “Sad, fraught, despairing, members of mainstream society.”

Gay rights activists have called the rules a case of continuing discrimination, and pointed to recent studies suggesting that significant numbers of heterosexual men are also confused and desperate.

“A gay man who hasn’t felt the warm embrace of a loved one, or who doesn’t know the electric thrill of being seen as sexually desirable, is really no different from any one of millions of heterosexual men in this country,” said lonely gay rights activist Marshall Freeman, a HIV- workaholic who has been single and living alone since 1996. “Yet we’re the ones being singled out. A classic case of heteronormative privilege. Well, we see through your hypocrisy, straight America: You may talk a big game, but you don’t have anybody either.”

While the American Medical Association has said the new policy is unnecessary, citing studies suggesting that social awkward gay men could easily get laid if they just dressed a little nicer, put themselves out more, or maybe got a single straight female friend, the FDA report says that in fact gay men without partners are different from everyone else, incapable of giving love, and destined for lives of empty solitude, thus making them more suitable to give blood.

“Their blood tastes like tears,” said FDA scientific advisor Dr. Mindy Fleck. “So salty, so delicious. It must be harvested. I must have more!”

Despite the controversy, the policy will take effect immediately.

“It’s time for us to acknowledge that involuntarily celibate gay men are an untapped resource, an untouched and pristine field of precious plasma,” said Acting FDA Commissioner Dr. Stephen Ostroff. “Come to me, my sad, self-loathing, children: the FDA wants you. The FDA will always want you.”



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Benjamin Wachs

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