Well finally the embers of the slow burn have ignited, and Kelsey the widow (or is she?
Dun dun dun….) has reached her full zenith of nuttiness. The entire episode was held up on her scaffolding of crazy, and thank God for that.
This week the
Bachelor headed to South Dakota, Deadwood to be exact, and what’s a better metaphor for love than a flaccid penis?
Everyone seemed excited to go there, this next stop on the desert tour of the States the producers have lined up this season. The group date involved country music, because it’s a “big part” of Chris’ life. Half the chicks were beside themselves with excitement and knew all the words and the other half pretended to have a clue. Don’t you worry though, I have faith that Chris is smart enough to weed out the rock and roll types — Blue State Bitches who probably boycott Walmart, amirite?
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Kelsey has a “panic attack,” which looks a lot like a nervous breakdown. All the other contestants are finally telling the cameras that they think she’s full of shit. Until now it has just been us viewers that took pause. But once the house decides you are the Bad One, your days are numbered. Either you will destroy yourself through the hoist of your own petard or someone else will point out to the Bachelor that you are a phony liar who is not here for the right reasons.
Thank god Kelsey was pitted against the other kook, Ashley, in the two-on-one date. Ashley played the role of the King’s Confident admirably when she told Chris exactly what everyone else thought of Kelsey. But then, oh snap! He dumped both of ‘em, right there in the barren Badlands of Nothingness. Both women roamed the scorched earth in opposite directions as he flew off in his helicopter. Some folks say if you go to the Badlands now and the wind is jes right, you kin still hear their wailing.
So here are the main contenders, IMHO: Whitney, Carly, Jade, and Stanky Britt. We already know Britt leaves, I think, because they showed her leaving in a huff in the very beginning teasers. Could be misleading though; these producers have had to be incredibly creative in their editing to stay ahead of the online spoiler blogs.
Next week: Chris has to really start falling for people. It's in his contract, in the second clause. Tune in.