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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Man Up!: SF Weekly tries Male Brazilian Waxing (Semi NSFW)

Posted By on Wed, Jan 28, 2015 at 12:44 PM

The New Millenium Male flexes and waxes! - SECRETSALONS.COM
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  • The New Millenium Male flexes and waxes!

The days of definitive categorizations and labels for the modern male has lapsed and the MANual is in need of a major rewrite. In every new monthly installment of Man Up!, Juan De Anda and other male writers  will partake in activities that may have been deemed too “girly,” taboo, or crazy for men to participate in — ranging from manscaping to bridge climbing to Spanxing — in order to delve in the myriad of possibilities for masculine presentation and expression. 

I truly wanted to bare myself to those who happened to be reading the inaugural article of this new series. I absolutely loved the idea of stripping away antiquated ideas of what being a man meant in today’s world of bridging differences through new modes of behavior and expression. I just never thought this would become a matter of pubic concern. (No, you did not just read a typo.)

Bare is what would become not of my soul or intellect; but another part of my physique. This first challenge was a hit below the belt — literally. My groin area took a pounding and it was heated, sticky and sweaty. Ultimately, a hairless affair. I decided to partake in a Brazilian wax, the full removal of body hair from the bikini area, testicles, and the interior crevice between my Latin buttocks. Also known as a "Brozilian" or "Manzilian," it eliminated the thin fur rugs from, of what those in the industry crudely call, my “sack, back, and crack.”

Nancy Tamashiro is the owner of Landing Strip Wax Studio, located inside LaPetite Rose Spa on the second floor at 25th Avenue and Taraval. She’s a dainty woman with impeccable eyebrows and a bubbly personality that immediately puts you at ease. For a few fleeting moments, I was in a sweet delusion that, maybe just maybe, I wasn’t in an esthetician's office but rather an ice cream parlor.

The aura of fantasy immediately evaporated when she told me in a saccharine but direct tone to strip. I had the option of being completely naked but Tamashiro said that I could keep my garments from the waist up, which diminished the feeling of being (what I imagine) on a corner's slab.

The reclining chair has an uncanny resemblance to those found in a doctor’s office, complete with the crinkly white paper that is changed after each visit. As I lay face up, Tamashiro asked if I wanted any shapes: hearts, landing strips, or any animals. I said no because I longed for total deforestation of my manzone. She then instructed me to open my legs into a diamond shape, with the palms of my feet pushing against each other. While in this position, Tamashiro gets to work and starts applying bubbling blue wax to the triangular periphery of the bikini line to test my sensitivity level. It was tingling but still hot enough to not give me a boner.

Before pulling, I was told there would be a slight sting once she did rip. She grasped and pulled my skin into a tight stretch and told me to breath deeply. Beads of sweat began to accumulate and my my eyes were rolling. Tamashiro begins to count before the first rip: “One, two…”

Holy freaking Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Kelly Clarkson and all the Saints!

I howled and winced into a semi-fetal position. She pulled before even saying three and I felt like a thousand firecrackers were erupting on my crotch while every follicle was trying to retract simultaneously. It was excruciating like getting a handjob with sandpaper. And the pull made the sound of those Velcro straps found on the shoes of children who haven’t learned to to tie their laces — but without the cute factor.

Something key everyone has to understand: in order to rip, there has to be grip. There needs to be a point of leverage, therefore requiring Tamashiro to grip and stretch portions of the groin so to get the skin tight. Men will be fondled and moved around in order to get all areas sans hair. We have to help out as well by gripping certain ligaments and body parts. Also, men’s hair tends to be coarser and thicker than women's, therefore it’s requires more force to pull out successfully and causes men to be known as greater screamers than women (we think).

There are two types of waxes used: hard and soft. Soft wax is applied in a thinner layer and is removed using cloth strips. Hard wax is applied in a thicker layer and sets to become its own strip to be pulled with a popsicle stick. It requires no cloth strips and is more gentle on the skin. Tamashiro used the latter for the entirety of the session, especially around the testicles.

Next, I was instructed to lift my legs toward my head while laying down face up so as to spread my cheeks. I felt like a massive adult-sized baby getting his diaper changed. I was then stunned into silence when I felt the hot lava smeared in my buttcrack with a tiny spatula. My mind was racing: my anal cavity was a no-no region. Tamashiro told me to breath deeply and that my visible nerves were normal reactions. She also casually mentioned that if I was cramping up, I could get on all fours, doggy style and she could wax me from behind.

 (That's not me.)

At this point I didn’t give a damn she was yanking hairs anymore or that I was a professional journalist trying to conduct an interview while getting waxed, I just wanted her to abort working there. I was rattled and Tamashiro worked quickly and the time between applying and pulling decreased exponentially. To accentuate the feeling of being an infant at the diaper changing station, my esthetician applied talcum powder to my rear and made it rain a gratuitous powdery white blizzard down there.

As she plucked away with tweezers to finish up, Tamashiro continued telling me stories from her seven years of experience on how she has seen an increase of men come into her establishment and they aren’t predominantly gay.

“I’ve seen more men come in here increasingly throughout the years. Many are straight and they mostly come with their girlfriends or wives- from all different walks of life too," says Tamashiro; she also asserted that there are a variety of reasons men solicit her services, but the main one is that they care about their appearance.

As I layed there, too cowardly afraid to stare at the deforestation going on down south, questions began to bubble forth like the cerulean colored wax boiling in the nearby crock pot cauldron that Tamashiro didn’t have the answers to: Was the removal of each pube stripping me of my masculine dignity? Would I need to justify this to those who found out? Was my sexuality going to be confused for something else? Does metrosexuality encompass Brozilians?

Are more men getting plucked in San Francisco? That's hard to tell by official documentation but in a random survey I conducted of 20 establishments in different areas of the city, they all unanimously affirmed what Tamashiro had told me while cleaning me off: men are embracing the Brazilian and they are not all gay. They come from different social circles and for various reasons: aesthetic satisfaction, sadist sexual gratification, spousal reciprocation, or just sheer curiosity.

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About The Author

Juan De Anda

Juan De Anda

Bio:
Juan De Anda is a cultural correspondent with a concentration in tourism, literature, and lifestyle and has been writing for SF Weekly since 2013. As an avid traveler, he enjoys discovering destinations abroad as well as the never-ending hidden gems of San Francisco. #DondeAndaJuanDeAnda?

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