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Monday, September 15, 2014

Our Date With Project Fixup: Fancy Drinks, Pizza, and Awkward Conversations

Posted By on Mon, Sep 15, 2014 at 8:05 AM

Definitely not how our date went. Looks nice though, right? Like we said, New York may be the place for lovers. - GUIAN BOLISAY

A few weeks ago, we told you about Project Fixup, a dating service that has interested single people fill out a questionnaire online, and then finds each person a date based on the answers they give. In addition to stating what they are and aren’t looking for in a potential date, each person also chooses what type of date they would like to go on (coffee date, dive bar date, craft beer date, etc.), and also selects some of their interests and personality traits from a menu (which includes everything from “Netflix subscriber” to “will try anything once.”)

Last week, we went on a “whiskey date” through Project Fixup. While two people who both enjoy writing and camping could easily make a good match, this was not the case with our date.

We had been told to meet our date — whom we will refer to as Bartholomew from here forward in the interest of anonymity, and also your amusement — at a bar we will only refer to as Dark, Crowded and Swanky.

We arrived at Dark, Crowded and Swanky, and out stepped Bartholomew, tall, dark, and han— well, he was tall.

Due to the high prices of all of the cocktails that Dark, Crowded and Swanky had to offer, Bartholomew suggested that we split one drink, which contained about one shot, 50 fancy spices and the zest of various obscure fruits. While we sipped our drink — much more slowly than we would have if we hadn’t been sharing — Bartholomew regaled us with disjointed story snippets, confusing jokes riddled with references only his college frat would understand, and awkward comments we could only assume were intended as coy humor, he even managed to say something along the lines of "hooker" in reference to us (wow, what a Casanova). 

After a half an hour, we'd had enough, but then Bartholomew declared that he planned to “out-drink” us, which sounded entertaining to say the least, so we took Bartholomew to a bar we will call Cheap and Spacious. We had been inside Cheap and Spacious for maybe three minutes when Bartholomew announced that he would be driving home later (“home” for Bartholomew is somewhere in the East Bay).

We then sat with Bartholomew for about an hour and convinced him not to drink more, made sure he got water, and listened to more confusing jokes. Basically, Bartholomew was just trying way too hard to “be cool.”

We then took Bartholomew to get some pizza at the well-known pizza joint Vaguely Overpriced But Open Fairly Late, and then walked around for a while, at which point Bartholomew’s comments got even more confusing and, sadly, a little homophobic.

We made sure Bartholomew got home safely, and then headed home ourselves.

However, although we had more stimulating and interesting conversation with our Lyft driver during the 15-minute ride home than during our entire two-and-a-half-hour date with Bartholomew, we’re not writing off Project Fixup just yet.

Just because we weren’t compatible with our date, despite having several interests in common, doesn’t mean that you won’t be compatible with yours. On the bright side, we got a date —and also drinks, pizza, and a funny story to tell — just by answering a couple of questions online. No planning required. Just watch out for the Bartholomews of the dating world and you’ll be golden.
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Jessica Nemire

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