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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Real Girl's Kitchen: Okay, we Actually Learned Something

Posted By on Tue, Jul 8, 2014 at 9:45 AM

Cake wrecker. Aka Hilary Duff. - WIKIPEDIA
  • Wikipedia
  • Cake wrecker. Aka Hilary Duff.

Haylie Duff's back on the West Coast! Did you notice a shift in the earth's polarity? The California girl is home again after slumming it in New York. It's the height of summer and she's ready to take up her family's tradition of having a crab boil. We learn also that she has a boyfriend, a guy who looks just as generically attractive as she is but probably puts up with a lot of "shut up!" shoulder punches. Trooper.

As much crap as I give this chick, I do always seem to learn something from her show. This week she made a chocolate cake with black beans as one of the main ingredients. It's such a strange idea I have to try it. Her naughty sister Hilary shows up and digs her finger into the cooling cake -- oh no she di'int! These two gals are crazy but they also love each other so much because they are sisters even though yeah they are really like literally best friends. Literally.

Jsut eating crab and making dick jokes. - WIKIPEDIA
  • Wikipedia
  • Jsut eating crab and making dick jokes.

When the time comes to drop the crabs into the boiling hot broth Hilary is horrified that they are alive, as I would be; my inner vegan wailing for each crustacean's soul. But I'm not completely buying her discomfort. They end up putting the crabs in the boil, but some of them jut out half way, which means their death will be slower and more agonizing. Anyone who really cared about those little guys would make sure they were completely submerged for a quick passage to the other side. Sadists.

The show ends predictably with everyone sitting around a big table cracking crab and making dick jokes. Then the chocolate cake comes out and everyone just digs into the thing with their forks, but we learn that that is how the Duffs do things. Yes, they are that hardcore.

Fuck yeah.

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About The Author

Katy St. Clair


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