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Friday, May 30, 2014

Hell's Kitchen, Ten Idiots Still Compete: Don't Undercook the Risotto!

Posted By on Fri, May 30, 2014 at 10:00 AM

Let me stand next to your fire - EONLINE
  • eonline
  • Let me stand next to your fire

Oh dear oh dear, we are getting down to the dregs on this show and no one has emerged as a clear winner yet. Usually by now we can sort of tell which boring person has the mettle; they handle Gordon's screaming with dignity, they don't undercook the risotto, and most importantly, someone always fucks up way bigger than they do. I've always depended on the incompetence of strangers. No wonder most of the people who have won this show haven't actually gone on to be the head chef anywhere, getting a position by the process of elimination with guys named Ralph doesn't exactly scream fine dining.

The night's main service was -- wait for it -- incredibly special and important and full of VIPs. Like, really people, this is the single most important dinner service you will ever create. Don't fuck it up. The guests were all UNICEF donors and organizers, including everyone's favorite Republican, Angie Harmon.

GOP cheerleader Angie Harmon getting a free meal? Oh my. - FLIKR
  • Flikr
  • GOP cheerleader Angie Harmon getting a free meal? Oh my.

Richard, better known as the grown-up version of the Campbell's Soup Kid, drooled over her repeatedly. Actually he drooled over her once and then it was edited in a bunch of times.

The Peter Principal was in full effect when Sandra left, though why Gordon allowed the idiotic Michael Gabriel to remain after he repeatedly made stupid, forgetful mistakes is a mystery. Gordon has a soft spot for big galoots. He likes to call them "big boy."

I'll just leave that there.

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Katy St. Clair


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