Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Bachelor Juan Pablo, Episode Tres: Free Falling Into Love or Lust

Posted By on Tue, Jan 21, 2014 at 9:48 AM

If we can dig our way out of this coal mine collapse, we can achieve anything - ABC.COM
  • If we can dig our way out of this coal mine collapse, we can achieve anything

[Sung to the tune of Madonna's "La Isla Bonita"] "Last night I dreamt of Juan Pabloooo...." Yeah that goes through my head every time I watch this show. Pero, Quien es Juan Pablo??

Gossip has leaked out that he is allegedly homophobic, which, to be fair, probably puts him league with every other super conservative Bachelor that has gone before him. He told an interviewer that having a gay Bachelor would be "confusing" for kids to see and "not a good example." Now he's backing away from those words, blaming a language barrier. Whatevs... I would be awesome to see him get together with either the opera singer or the hairdresser and then be surrounded by los homosexuales day in and day out, til' death (or about three months later) do they part.

This week's show had my favorite moment from each season: The death-defying challenge.

Our hero and one of the gals are cabled to a suspension bridge, or strapped into a parachute, or tied down on some train tracks with only a lighter and pocket knife while the engine chugs ever closer over the ridge. Last night they did the ever-popular bungee jump off of the Suicide Bridge in Pasadena. Chelsie was terrified, but she lost herself in his manly arms as she leapt to her fate and then they hung there, making out upside down like two Abercrombie & Fitch bats. But here's the money shot, the line I wait for every season: "That is the epitome of building a relationship, just free falling together, you know? And we did that, literally... so I think if we can jump off a bridge together, we can pretty much get through anything." Yes! If we can just walk a tight-rope over the Grand Canyon, there is nothing we can't achieve. Too bad Jake and Vienna also bungee jumped together on his season, and we know how that ended.

The other awesome moment from this episode was the Sharleen kiss, which the voice over even called "the most awkward kiss in Bachelor history." She's trying so hard to like him but she's repulsed. She's so stiff and weird though that I have a hard time seeing her melt into anyone's arms, let alone a smooth Latin lover.

click to enlarge Sharleen the opera diva - DIYDILETTANTE.WORDPRESS.COM
  • Sharleen the opera diva

Before I close, let's play Who Will Be The Next Bachelorette? I say that Claire is gunning for it hard, followed closely by Renee, who seems like a genuinely nice person. She's the first person at anyone's side when they are freaking out, and it doesn't seem to be an act. Still, being the Bachelorette is the real grand prize on this show, not ending up with Juan and his spoiled brat daughter. Sorry, but every time Camilla's on camera she is saying "No!" or "No gusta pollo!" or whatever. Pequena terror!.

For events in San Francisco this week and beyond, check out our calendar section. Follow us on Twitter at @ExhibitionistSF and like us on Facebook.

  • Pin It

About The Author

Katy St. Clair


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"