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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

This Is Why Everyone on Facebook Hates You

Posted By on Tue, Apr 23, 2013 at 11:35 AM

We all know how Facebook was conceived in a dorm room and came to life over apple martinis (or so says The Social Network), but it's definitely not as glamorous as the movie, especially when posting photos of scabs and fetuses. So while you're stalking exes and commenting to yourself on how fat people have gotten since high school, you're pissing off everyone on your Friends list. Here's why:

Why would you post this on Facebook? - BORZYWOJ / SHUTTERSTOCK

You post too many pictures of your food, cat, and baby

We get it; your baby is cute, your cat is cute, and you're a master chef of anything coming in a box marked "Kraft." Unless it's a photo of your cat holding your baby while making you a steak for dinner, we've seen it before.

You write "RIP" for every public death

We all knew Michael Jackson died the exact second he was wheeled over to the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center. Your post with "RIP" written across the top didn't break the news, and the same goes for your RIP posts on Whitney Houston, Dick Clark, Roger Ebert, Patricia Medina, and everyone else who is remotely famous. Mourning their loss? Fine, just stop inundating Facebook with the news of their death, because like we said, we already knew.

See also: This is Why Everyone Shopping at Trader Joe's Hates You

This Is Why Everyone on BART Hates You

You overshare about everything. We mean everything.

Things people on Facebook never need to know about you:

-You bowel movements (Or the bowel movements of anyone you know!)

-Your belief in any and all conspiracy theories (No, it was not an inside job.)

-Your diet (Bran and grapefruit juice? Good luck with that.)

-Any and all injury photos (No one likes to look at scabs.)

-When the umbilical cord falls off your baby (Ew.)

-Any ultrasound photos (You do realize that you shared a picture of a fetus with 300 people. Yes?)


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About The Author

Mollie McWilliams

Mollie McWilliams

Mollie is the Web Editor and has been with SF Weekly since 2010.


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