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Monday, January 7, 2013

Meet the Man Who Had Sex with a Dolphin (and Wrote a Book About It)

Posted By on Mon, Jan 7, 2013 at 7:30 AM

Page 2 of 2

  • ©2011 Malcolm J. Brenner
Did you have an extended sexual relationship with the dolphin, or was it just one time? I only got to make love to her one time. So it never got kinky? Isn't sex with a dolphin kinky enough, Matt? I think it is. There's a chapter in the book where you take your girlfriend to see the dolphin and the dolphin gets "jealous." When you had sex with the dolphin, did you have a girlfriend at the time? No, that girl was long gone.
Malcolm's ladies - ©2011 MALCOLM J. BRENNER
  • ©2011 Malcolm J. Brenner
  • Malcolm's ladies
Is it cheating if it's a different species? [Laughs] Sure, it's cheating if it's a different species. Whatever makes the other person jealous is cheating. So when you actually had sex with the dolphin ... "Made love" is the term I like to use, because it's so much more than having sex. Okay, when you made love with the dolphin, where was the trainer or the crowd of people? What's going on? What's going on is the oceanarium is closed down and the rest of the dolphins had been shipped out. So it was just these last two dolphins and me. The trainer was taking another dolphin to an aquarium in the Bahamas or someplace. So why did you go there that day? By that time she had worked her magic on me, I guess you could say. And I really wanted to make love with her, and I went there hoping we would get the chance to do that, and we did. Later on in your life, when you're with other women and they start asking about your sexual history, do you ever tell them about your, uh, "trip to Sea World?" This wasn't Sea World, this was a little rinky-dink place called Floridaland. Yeah, I told all my lovers about it. It's part of who I am. I haven't really had any objections from any of the women involved. When I was working on the book I would read chapters to my second wife as I went along. At first she seemed pretty happy about it, but as I got closer and closer to the climax of the novel she got more objectionable about it. We broke up a few years after that. Surely there have been other people who have had sex with dolphins -- what made you decide to be the man to write a book about it? Very simply this: We are killing dolphins and destroying their world, and I can't stand by and let that happen having had the experience I've had without trying to do something to counter it. I'm not a scientist. I don't have a big environmental organization behind me; really all I have is this story that the dolphin basically gave to me. If you really read my book I think it changes your opinion of dolphins. See, we really have two images of marine mammals that have been conditioned by popular media: Moby Dick, who is a monster, and Flipper, who is kind and helpful and like a little Boy Scout dolphin. Real dolphins are so much more complicated than that. These things are so much like humans it's scary, Matt. They have their desires, their likes, their dislikes. They are clever, and kind. The book isn't about having sex with a dolphin, it's about a love affair. It's about what happens when you step outside of the conventional roles that we put ourselves in when we deal with an animal we think of as a lesser animal. I didn't go to the dolphin with any particular agenda. I just wanted to see what would happen. And the dolphin started training me. What did she start training me to do? She started training me to accept courtship and figure out how to make love to me. Do you love dolphins, or are you in love with dolphins? Well, I was in love with that dolphin, that's for sure. What do you say to those who say you raped or molested the dolphin? I laugh. The notion that a human being in the water could rape or molest a 400-pound dolphin is preposterous. Navy SEALs are trained to work with dolphins. I know a Navy SEAL. He told me a dolphin can disarm a Navy SEAL in seconds. Pull off his respirator, pull off his face mask, pull off his flippers -- he's helpless. I was in the water with her. That's how we made love, basically on her terms. I was holding my breath for the last seconds. There was a male dolphin in the pen with us who got jealous of me. She had to evade him by doing this maneuver where she squeezed through these boards and into another pen. He couldn't follow her so we were able to get some privacy. So she actually rejected another dolphin in favor of me, to consummate this relationship. That's what I would say to those people. But they weren't there. They could just say I'm lying, but I'm not. Do you consider yourself sick? No. I consider myself healed. How has your life changed? Do you ever think, "Maybe I shouldn't have written a book about how I had sex with a dolphin?" No, because I was always worried I would die before I could tell this story. Getting this story off my chest has been a tremendous release to me, psychologically. I'm having trouble finding work now. I not only lost that job at the magazine, but more recently I was writing for a motivational speaker, or I guess a "guru," and after a couple months I guess they looked me up on the Internet or something and just stopped communicating with me. They stopped sending me assignments. They wouldn't answer my phone calls or e-mails. And you know, that's just fucking rude. If you're going to stop working with someone then I think you should at least tell them why, because they seemed happy with my work up until that point. Malcolm J. Brenner, I ask you this final question, because you are perhaps the only man truly capable of answering it. Who does it better, dolphins or humans? What do you mean, "Who does it better?" Which one was better? Well, better is a relative term, Matt. I've had very good sex with women. I've been married twice for long periods of time. But the dolphin was unique. It was remarkable because the dolphin was aware of what she was doing. Well, hopefully the humans were too ... right? Yes, but the dolphin was aware that we were crossing some kind of boundary. The rejection of the male dolphin signified that. She wanted to make love to a human being as much as I came to want to make love with her. I've never had an experience like that before. We were inside each other's heads, really in the way you get with someone you've been with for a really long time, even though it was our first and only time. It was just the most amazing sex I've ever had. So dolphins do it better?

For me, they do.

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About The Author

Matt Saincome

Matt Saincome

Matt Saincome is SF Weekly's former music editor.

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