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Thursday, January 3, 2013

K-Town Season 2, Episode 6: A Budget Wedding for Young

Posted By on Thu, Jan 3, 2013 at 10:30 AM


We pick up with K-Town this week with Young taking back his declaration that the wedding is off and adding, conditionally, that the wedding will proceed if the group can work together and not yell "What the fuck, bitch?!" in front of So Young's mom as the couple walks down the aisle. It's, at minimum, a reasonable request and shows how much heart Young has to care for a woman who said she wished her daughter had never chosen to marry him. That's loyalty, right there.

See also:

K-Town Season 2, Episode 5: The Ballad of Crazy Jessica

K-Town Season 2, Episode 4: Bachelor/ette Party Brawl

Uncle Joe and Jessica are also loyal to ruining the night by continuing to beat their dead horse of a relationship and dragging the corpse around town to remind everyone that they should care about their "Will they or won't they?" state. Unless the question is "Will they or won't they develop vocal polyps and finally stop talking?" I am really no longer intrigued by this couple. Inside, Jessica has a crazy-to-crazy (it's like a heart-to-heart, but crazier) with Violet while Scarlet and Jasmine mediate. Jessica, again, brings up Violet's "Tacky Asian Couple" blog post and Violet says she was at a different place in her life when she wrote that entry. Violet then reminds her that they initially bonded ages ago when Jessica warned Violet about Prince Jowe's small penis before she began dating him. They share a chuckle and thank Prince Jowe's princeling for helping them end their beef once and for all. No one ever gives due credit to small penises and how effective they are when it comes to rapprochement. I hope the U.N. is taking note. Jasmine urges the girls to hug it out and lets out an "Awww" that sounds like a vocal polyp personified.

Mohawk Steve decides to leave penises out of his attempt to make up with a frustrated Young and instead decides to dance like a jackass as his own form of atonement for the disastrous bachelor/ette party. It's a decidedly '90s, Color Me Badd-type of choreography and Young has to laugh, as it's clear that the Mohawk is not the "best of dancing." All is squashed and the group has once again decided to enable each other's morally irresponsible behavior for one more wacky adventure.

The group teams up the next day to go shopping for wedding gifts. What looks like a leisurely stroll through a Koreatown mall is actually how this crew prepares for a wedding that is supposed to take place in a few hours that same day. Young could have hired a vagrant off the street to plan his wedding and (s)he'd be far more invested in him as a person than the whole K-Town gang collectively. They putz around the mall looking at rice cookers and trinkets, and Mohawk Steve even tries on some old Korean lady wigs after he chickens out of cutting his namesake hairstyle in order to appease So Young's mom. Scarlet tries to show Violet how to punch better as she finds her fighting skills to be subpar and the girls even try a weight loss hula hoop with built in grooves which Scarlet says feels like "shards of glass" pressing into your body. Christine hoops like a pro without the slightest hint of pain in her face but as someone who has consensually made out with Mohawk Steve and voluntarily flirted with Prince Jowe, we can kind of guess that she's a bit of a masochist. She and sister Jasmine also tackle each other like they're children, saying in their confessionals that they love each other but sometimes get on each other's nerves. Maybe Christine told Jasmine that it looks like she stole her eyeglasses from serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer (fact, by the way) which is why Jasmine took off one of Christine's boots and chucked it over the balcony onto the first floor of the plaza.

Meanwhile, the guys grill Uncle Joe about his decision to get back with Jessica and he says it's time for him to settle down. Mohawk Steve asks him if Jessica is "the one," and after a lengthy pause, Uncle Joe says he thinks so. It is utterly convincing. Mohawk Steve immediately starts walking away upon hearing this and it really captures how we all feel about Uncle Joe's response.

To prep for the wedding, Prince Jowe and Uncle Joe stop by Bosco bakery in the mall and help decorate the wedding cake. And by wedding cake, I mean two six-inch birthday cakes that they decide to decorate themselves. The nice Korean baker at Bosco foolishly lets them into the kitchen so they can scribble "I love you" onto two pieces of fondant that get stuck on top of the cakes. The cakes may not look like they can feed everyone at the reception, but damn it if the decorating process wasn't a sensual experience for Prince Jowe and Uncle Joe as they lick their fingertips and squirt icing into each other's mouths. Jessica who? Run off together, Jo(w)es. In each other, you will find your soulmate and a permanent spotter at the gym.

Violet and Mohawk Steve set up the bar, which is just a table with a bottle of cranberry juice on it, and they realize that the Mohawk has forgotten to pick up grenadine which Violet needs for the wedding's signature cocktail. She and Christine lay into the Mohawk, who like us watching at home, doesn't really find this to be as devastating as they make it seem. Instead of, I don't know, going to a supermarket to get grenadine, the gals decide to change cocktail plans. They raid a local tapioca joint, Boba Bear, and bully the teenage-looking employee into helping them make 60 boba drinks in 15 minutes, which they will later spike with alcohol. I want to point out that I've been scribbling about alcoholic boba drinks in my dream journal for over a decade, but if the K-Town crew can successfully monetize the idea, more power to them. The gals go behind the Boba Bear counter and start going buckwild, making unappetizing concoctions while Scarlet berates the young employee for not moving fast enough. Let's all say it together on behalf of this poor guy: "They don't pay me enough for this shit." The gals then run out the place with handfuls of plastic cups as they try to find their car. All they are missing is the Benny Hill theme music and revved up video playback.

Back at the wedding hall, Jasmine and a make-up artist get So Young's hair and face ready for the big event. So Young says that though she and Young had broken up when she first moved back to Korea, she missed him so much that they got back together. Scarlet calls them the perfect "konguru" couple which is kind of insulting, but still pretty complimentary considering it's coming from Scarlet. When the styling is complete, So Young thanks Jasmine and begins to cry. Jasmine looks away so she doesn't cry (though, I'm sure the Dahmer glasses would have blocked any and all feelings of empathy) but turns to see that So Young's mom is also crying. The ladies dab at their faces with tissue but I'm pretty sure the make-up artist -- like all wedding make-up artists who see their work ruined mere seconds after they've completed the job -- is asking, "WTF, guys?"

Outside the dressing area, Scarlet brags that she looked in her pocketbook, found singer Andrew Garcia's number, and successfully got him to perform at the reception. Somewhere in LA, Andrew Garcia sighs and places his face into his hands. Scarlet also points out that Andrew was an American Idol contestant who lost. I was an Andrew Garcia fan for that one season where Ellen was a judge that I'm trying to forget, so I'm actually looking forward to seeing him perform later. Also, we learn that PK, the founder of Asian-American talent show Kollaboration, will be leading the ceremony.

Unfortunately, not everything is running as smoothly as Christine pulls Uncle Joe aside to let him know that he picked up the wrong cake. I think any cake that wasn't the one he and Prince Jowe decorated would be the "right" cake, but apparently there was a mix-up at the bakery and the original cakes are not on site at the wedding hall. Scarlet inserts herself in the middle by telling Christine that assigning Uncle Joe to cake detail was her mistake since he doesn't know how to do weddings. Uncle Joe overhears this and confronts Scarlet because questioning a man's wedding planning skills is the ultimate denigration to his masculinity. They begin fighting and Christine declares that the wedding is falling apart. Technically, the wedding would have to have once been in an ideal state in order to now be "falling apart," but I make it a point to let all semantic arguments slide when it comes to K-Town. Just thinking about it makes me want a spiked boba tea. Make it a double.

K-Town airs on Wednesdays on YouTube's LOUD channel.

For more events in San Francisco this week and beyond, check out our calendar section. Follow us on Twitter at @ExhibitionistSF and like us on Facebook.
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