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Monday, December 31, 2012

K-Town Season 2, Episode 5: The Ballad of Crazy Jessica

Posted By on Mon, Dec 31, 2012 at 7:30 AM

Page 2 of 2

At one of the tables, Mohawk Steve and Jasmine argue over Steve's make out session with a random girl after kissing Jasmine's sister, Christine, that one time. Steve defends the make out, saying it was "consensual," which sounds like someone has been named in a lawsuit before. Jasmine wants to know what his intentions are with Christine. Or at least that's what I think she wants to know after asking, "Are all of your marbles in the jar for my sister?"

As opposed to what, Jasmine? Mohawk Steve could have said anything and it would not have mattered considering how incomprehensible that question was. "I've got half my marbles for Christine in the jar and the other half are in a kangaroo's pouch." That means they are engaged in Jasmine's indigenous language. Steve gives a noncommittal "I want to get to know her better" kind of response. Jasmine cannot believe this and wonders aloud if Steve will just make out with anyone's sister, anyone's brother, or anyone's family. I bet it would be difficult for Mohawk Steve to make out with an entire family, consensually. Steve replies with, "It takes two hands to make a fucking sound clap."

To paraphrase Jessica: I'm done, by the way. I'm at a loss for words.

Jasmine is puzzled as well. In her confessional she says, "Como se huh?" in such a precocious way that I'm thinking she was an '80s sitcom child star. "Como se huh?" is the "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis" of our generation. Someone trademark that.

Back in the fighting arena, Jessica goes on about Prince Jowe calling her a whore and Uncle Joe not caring about her; Scarlet gets upset that Uncle Joe doesn't defend his own girlfriend; Young asks what's going on and gets ignored; and Scarlet and Jessica team up on Prince Jowe saying he only cares about going on party buses and hitting on young girls.

Prince Jowe asks the audience, "Who the fuck doesn't want to hit on young girls?" Note: He will be asking this same question in 30 years.

Jessica also complains that Uncle Joe didn't do anything while she and Violet fought, but if we play the video, she'll see that Uncle Joe dutifully tried to un-knot her hair from Violet's clenched fist. That's love right there. Jessica then tells Uncle Joe to punch Violet in the face. Uncle Joe is not Jessica's boyfriend at all, but rather a hired goon who takes her out to dinner from time to time.

Steve comes outside and immediately has Uncle Joe's back. He demonstrates this by telling Jessica that when Joe began dating her, he changed for the worse. Scarlet had been trying to calm Jessica down at the time and then flies into a Mohawk-induced rage because he riles Jess up again and also because it's just something to do. She runs inside to guzzle some more alcohol and complain that Steve ruined her mediation between Jessica and Uncle Joe. She yells at Mohawk Steve whenever he passes by and the Mohawk gets agitated at her aggression. Young finally loses it and tells everyone to "shut the fuck up for once." Young and So Young grab their things and get ready to leave after yet another disastrous group outing.

Outside, Jessica tells Uncle Joe that they are broken up. Uncle Joe scoffs, "Is that what you want to tell your mom?" This is not another example of K-Town misspeech where Uncle Joe has gotten tongue-tied while trying to say "Yo' momma." Apparently, Jessica and Uncle Joe's parents have extreme insider knowledge of their relationship. Jessica snaps back that her parents already think they are broken up. This is the ultimate insult and Joe storms off with the Mohawk not far behind. They pass Young and So Young who have had enough and Young tells everyone that their American wedding is off.

Of course, it's not, but I like that Young is taking a stand for him and his wife, the only functional couple on the show. They leave before Jessica can tell Uncle Joe to win her back by shanking Young, or Mohawk Steve can ask So Young to get "consensual" with him. God speed, you two.

K-Town airs on Wednesdays on YouTube's LOUD channel.

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Sylvie Kim


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