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Thursday, December 6, 2012

K-Town Season 2, Episode 2: Marry the Mohawk, Kill the Headband

Posted By on Thu, Dec 6, 2012 at 2:00 PM

Episode "I Am King" opens on an uncharacteristically wholesome note as Young takes Violet and her young son Tyler to Meltdown, a comic book shop that Young describes as a place that provides "nerdgasms." Eh, it's still pretty wholesome for K-Town. Young goofs around with Tyler (it's pretty damn endearing) and then talks about his desire to have kids, but hopes that So Young can pop out a school-aged child straight from the womb and have him never age beyond that. It's a bit of a Benjamin Button-meets-Big-meets-Alien fantasy that only a true nerd would dream up.

See also:

K-Town Season 2 Premiere: Slow-Mo Hair Flips and Wedding Planning Blues

The K-Town Finale: Bitch Slapping and Fake Eyelashes

In between reading and playing with Tyler, Young tells Violet that he's stressing about his performance as a husband but Violet says So Young probably already thinks he's the perfect man. Young also says Violet is a great mother. Then Tyler asks Young if he can call him "Daddy," and suddenly everyone is transported from this magical land of affirmation and is snapped back into awkward reality.

Later, Christine takes Young, So Young, and So Young's mom out to a restaurant tasting for the upcoming wedding. So Young's mom seems a bit intense about wanting to know what her precise role is in the wedding and hopes that Christine has a good plan set up. This makes Christine a little nervous until So Young's mom initiates a Seoul Train and everyone is put at ease.

Perhaps it's the alcohol talking, but So Young's mom reveals that when she first met Young she thought he was a bumpkin and expressed that she wished her daughter's boyfriend "was anyone but him!" That's cold. But Young says he won in the end because he got the girl and they're going to "get" a lot of babies. Someone, please, have the human reproduction talk with Young. It is time.

So Young's mom also acknowledges that Young has given up his dancing dreams in order to take care of her daughter and she's happy that Young is settling down with a real job. Man, who invited the buzzkill to lunch? Ooh-wee. So Young's mom better rack up another Seoul Train to make amends or else someone's getting put in a home in 20 years.

We then cut to a random bar where Uncle Joe is trying to orchestrate the largest Seoul Train in history with 25 glasses. During the competition -- if you've forgotten the premise, two teams race to down a series of shots -- Uncle Joe spots the opposing side drinking out of order and is legitimately, deeply offended. He repeatedly yells that they're "cheating!" with such indignation and disbelief, as if he had just spotted Lance Armstrong riding by at the Tour de France with a syringe sticking out of his thigh. The "cheating" team wins and the punishment is to make people wear a bandanna made out of a napkin, a totally blatant mockery of Uncle Joe as a human being.

The group heads out to another spot for food and wedding discussions. Joe invites his girlfriend Jessica and I can't say she's entirely welcome. When Jessica almost climbs over some people to get to her seat, Scarlet asks people to make room since "no one wants to see her vagina." Violet also reveals that Jessica doesn't like her because Violet listed her and Uncle Joe as the "Tacky Couple of the Week" on her blog. So, yeah, Jessica would be justified in not liking anyone in attendance.

The group plays the "King Game" which involves drawing chopsticks with a "K" and various numbers on it. If you get the "K," you are the king and can choose two random numbers to perform any degrading task you wish. Uncle Joe has to suckle ketchup off of Mohawk Steve's finger. Scarlet theorizes that if you slow down the playback, you're likely to see very sensuous, enthusiastic participation from Uncle Joe. Next, Uncle Joe gets the unlucky draw again and has to have a french fry eaten out of his ear. When Scarlet draws a "K" she has So Young and Jessica mutually eat a chicken wing from each other's mouths while everyone records it on their cell phones. Young remarks that he didn't know So Young had that freakiness in her (Scarlet describes the scene as lesbian-porn-meets-Anthony-Bourdain), but I'm inclined to inform Young -- before he lets his imagination run wild -- that you cannot get the babies by eating chicken wings.

Discussions turn to the wedding and the ladies ask who will be in the bridal party. Young says that Scarlet will be the last person to ever be Maid of Honor, considering that her vocabulary on their wedding day would only consist of "fuck," "shit," and "purple dick." The latter phrase is quite specific, no? I kind of wanted to him to go in even more detail, like "purple with mauve undertones."

Young also has concerns about Best Man Mohawk Steve's appearance, namely his hair and his tiny s(e)oul patch under his lip. In a miraculous turn of events, Steve agrees to cut the mohawk before the wedding.

The crew decides to play one last game before calling it a night and they decide on "Fuck, Marry, Kill." Christine picks Scarlet, Steve, and Prince Jowe, respectively while Steve goes for Scarlet, Christine, and Uncle Joe. When Violet also picks Scarlet for her "fuck," we cut to Scarlet's interview in which she flashes the camera and is not at all surprised that she's been picked so many times, declaring that she tastes like garlic fries. Is tasting like carny food a big turn on? Personally, I would have opted for funnel cake, but whatevs.

Jessica picks Uncle Joe as both the person whom she would marry and kill, which the group declares is a sign of her true love. Huh. Scarlet picks Christine to fuck, Jasmine to marry, and says she'd "fucking kill Violet." Violet's expression is exactly what you'd expect it to be which means I'm one step closer to getting my Christmas wish of seeing these two go toe-to-toe.

Meanwhile, Mohawk Steve kisses Christine at the table, prompting an "Ewww" and death glares from Christine's sister Jasmine. Mohawk Steve and Christine leave to "go to the bathroom" in the least discreet fashion ever and Jasmine freaks out while they're gone. She tells Scarlet that she doesn't want the Mohawk to hurt her sister and Scarlet tells her that she's tripping over nothing, that they will hook up if they want to hook up. Jasmine tells Scarlet that she doesn't have a say in any of it and suddenly they're screaming at each other. Scarlet reminds Jasmine that she has always had her back, but Jasmine doesn't know what she's talking about. The sneak preview of next week has an epic clip of Scarlet telling someone to suck her -- you guessed it -- purple dick. Maybe Young does know a thing or two about anatomy.

K-Town airs Wednesdays on YouTube's LOUD channel.

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Sylvie Kim


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