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Thursday, August 30, 2012

K-Town Episode 8: "But I'm Chinese, I Can't Help It."

Posted By on Thu, Aug 30, 2012 at 9:30 AM


It's finally time for the Belasco night club event that Uncle Joe has been yammering about all season, the very event that has caused a rift between him and Scarlet, as evidenced by their blowout in last week's episode. It wouldn't be a Scarlet departure without her calling Uncle Joe a douchebag and politely suggesting that he suck her dick.

Uncle Joe declares that he's no longer going to be a nice oppa (or "big brother"), refusing to take the girls' under-the-belt insults about ... his carpet. But before we know it, Uncle Joe and the gang have gathered in the parking lot to stop Scarlet from taking off. In her interview we learn that she feigned bailing to get Uncle Joe to chase after her and that had he not gone for the bait, she would have snuck back into the club later to go-go dance anyway. She did, however, appreciate that he ran after her because it meant he cared about their friendship. Friendship: It's all about guilt, gullibility, and shaking your ass for free for your pal's professional gain.

After smoothing things over, Uncle Joe only asks that no side comments be made, to which Scarlet deadpans, "But I'm Chinese, I can't help it. It's what I do." Uncle Joe finally cracks a smile! Hell, even his headband giggled a little bit. On the walk back to Belasco, Prince Jowe is convinced that his initial theory that Scarlet has a penis is valid, judging by her towering height (Violet and Jasmine look like eight year olds when standing next to her) and her penchant for commanding that her dick be sucked. Uncle Joe laughs for a second time -- a personal best -- but then quickly gets his head back in the game.

As the sun sets we see droves of Asian Americans line up at Belasco's doors -- with the red carpet. Inside, Jasmine is busy styling hair, Violet tends bar, and Prince Jowe has the arduous task of putting ladies' numbers in his phone. Young, nervous about his big performance, asks a frazzled Jasmine to do his hair even though she's wrapping handfuls of go-go dancer tresses around a hot iron. She tells him to buzz off but eventually he emerges on his own looking quite dapper in a black suit and sparkly, bedazzled shoes.

On stage, he finally gets to debut his dance moves with his signature homage to Michael Jackson's pelvic thrust. What I love about Young is that he looks like he's about to burst into laughter at any moment, yet keeps it together. Could he be any more endearing?

Scarlet also hits the stage, shirking any nervousness she may have had so she can get busy under a dizzying strobe light/gigantic confetti storm in lingerie and white boots. This was the point where my boyfriend stopped watching the A's game and peered over at my MacBook. Scarlet smartly decided to eschew the weird tulle waist skirts that the other dancers wore; I simply started referring to them as butt crack tutus. Perhaps her style and dancing warmed Prince Jowe's heart because afterwards, he bought Scarlet a drink and it was thrown water glasses under the bridge for these two as they squashed their epic beef. Twin flames, y'all. Twin flames.

The whole gang converges on the stage with actor Tyrese Gibson (of Transformers and Fast Five fame) who is also a producer. We are supposed to suspend disbelief and play along that the K-Town crew was unaware that Tyrese was in the house. I think if they really wanted to surprise the joint, they should have brought out Nicolas Cage. At this point, Scarlet decides that she wants to crowd surf and does a spot-on impression of the girls in the audience begging her not to do it and the guys hoping to cop a feel. The girls end up triumphant when, in preparing for her dismount, Scarlet slips and eats it on the stage. You know, witnessing that and hearing her say she "ate shit" made me like her more.

Just when you think the night is a roaring success and K-Town team morale is at an all-time high, we witness Uncle Joe freak out on Mohawk Steve for drinking while on the job. Uncle Joe even goes so far as to push Steve, which understandably ignites his ire. Never let a man in a headband put his hands on you.

Steve is furious, and you know what? He becomes 100 times more well-spoken, albeit in a profanity-laden way. I think we heard him speak more coherently and with more conviction in his Belasco rant than we have all season. Rage looks good on you, Steve. And rage seems to be the theme of next week's episode where Uncle Joe's iron fisted rule and Steve's Mohawk of Justice finally knuckle up. I got $20 on Mohawk of Justice. Loser buys the next round of soju.

K-Town airs every Wednesday on YouTube's LOUD channel.

For events in San Francisco this week and beyond, check out our calendar section. Follow us on Twitter at @ExhibitionistSF and like us on Facebook.
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Sylvie Kim


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