Here at SF Weekly, we get a lot of press releases and go through the painstaking process of selecting what may or may not be important enough to share with our loyal and trusting readers. It's a process that involves a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, and goes by the unforgiving moniker "baby killing." Which is why we found it necessary to bring this wedding announcement we received to your attention. Who are these people? We have no idea! (For a second we thought it was Jason Lee from My Name is Earl, whose wedding we also care about a similar amount, something like .02 on a scale of zero to infinity.) But they just got married in Orange County and they're going to Tokyo for their honeymoon! Thanks for the invite guys.
Forgive our jaded opinion, however, because for some, newspaper wedding announcements are an important tradition and marker of who's who in society. Being handpicked for the New York Times wedding announcements in the Sunday Styles section has long been coveted by many an upper-crust bride-to-be. The easiest ways to get in that section are to a) win a Nobel Prize, b) be Episcopalian or, c) be a Vanderbilt. And once you've been chosen, you better send in a picture where both your eyebrows are at the same level, or you get the boot (seriously).
I'm no New York Times editor, but in case you'd like me to announce your wedding, I've come up with some of my own criteria: a) You'll send me your doggie pics, b) you're an avid supporter of letting people marry people with the same private parts as them, and c) your honeymoon better be on Mars.
Bring em' on!
