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Thursday, August 2, 2012

K-Town Episode 4: Size Matters

Posted By on Thu, Aug 2, 2012 at 10:43 AM


As Episode 3 ended, we saw a clip of Young getting a lap dance from a lady who is likely not his demure fiance So Young who lives way the hell in Korea. Episode 4 also opens with this clip, but alas, it's just a tease and suddenly we flash back to earlier in the day where the guys are barbequing on their back patio and the ladies are having lunch at a Korean restaurant.

Scarlet is entranced by the bell attached to their table -- quickly dubbed the "bitch bell" -- which summons a waiter. She presses it compulsively, much to the annoyance of her confused, young male server who has no choice but to shuttle back and forth to answer her calls. There's a great Korean barbeque place in Oakland called Ohgane which has similar bells on their tables. Only if you ring it just to screw with the waitstaff, I'm pretty sure you'll leave needing stitches. If there is a list of people to whom you should show deference should you want to continue living, the middle-aged Korean restaurant employee sits atop.

At the guys' barbeque, Steve and Joe rehash the previous night and Steve comments that Prince Jowe has "got some problems." You nearly forget that he says this because soon thereafter, Young arrives wearing a black backpack with spikes (referred to as a "little Koopa" backpack, a la Super Mario Brothers), lens-less eyeglasses, and -- even more inexplicably -- two pairs of pants.

Normally, I don't like when the group gangs up on Young -- who I find to be the most likable and fun to watch -- but their assessment of his outfit is spot on. Young asserts that his penis is "too big, that's why I need two pants to hold it up," but with his goofiness and the sheer ridiculousness of his sartorial choices, we just chuckle along with him.

Back at the restaurant, Scarlet, Jasmine, and Violet discuss dating preferences. We learn that Violet only dates Korean guys partly because she likes being able to talk shit about others in Korean with her paramour. I, personally, think that mocking others is pretty good couple bonding/foreplay as well. We learn that Scarlet doesn't date Asian guys because they don't hit on her, perhaps because she's too tall for them. If you were expecting the inevitable small penis discussion to take place, then you were right. But as K-Town is all about busting stereotypes, Scarlet veers from yet another generalized Asian male-neutering moment by stating that -- according to her data collection as a stripper -- the smallest penis she ever grinded (ground?) upon belonged to a white male and that the Asian small penis belief is a myth.

While I applaud her efforts to dispel deeply entrenched -- and politically grounded -- distortions of Asian male sexuality, switching the generalization onto white men based on a few years of stripping and empirical penis measurements kinda deflates her argument. That and her declaration that she has awesome "dick radar." Can you get that from SkyMall?

Penis size is clearly a motif this episode, with both Scarlet and Violet indicating that they are size queens. Violet states that "If it fits in my mouth, then it's too small." It's a statement that actually brings up some very frightening imagery. I mean, I'd hate to see what's "too big" or even "just right."

Meanwhile, the guys talk about ladies (coincidentally, of course), particularly women of the K-Town variety whom they describe as thuggish and down to fight. K-Town chicks can't, however, defeat their sworn nemesis: house lights. Apparently, they look amazing in their tight dresses and a fresh spackling of makeup under the forgiving darkness of a nightclub, but not once it's closing time and their true, monstrous selves are revealed. I could get into a counter-argument about social expectations that impel women to drown themselves in cosmetics to the point of alleged face fraud, but I'd rather discuss the build up leading to a Scarlet/Prince Jowe showdown that is all kinds of amazing.

First, Scarlet prods Violet about the details of her break up with Prince Jowe and where they stand. Violet says that she suggested a break up after an argument and while they were thinking things over, Prince Jowe began dating someone else. Scarlet then tells Violet that Prince Jowe had hit on her the night before, as he tends to do when Violet is not around.

With an upcoming trip to the noraebang (karaoke lounge), Scarlet is unsure of how she should act with Prince Jowe present. She decides to meet up with him beforehand at a wine bar to talk one-on-one. We learn that Prince Jowe valiantly had Violet spend the night at his house because he couldn't allow her to go home alone when she was that drunk. Scarlet jumps right into it by telling Prince Jowe that it's disrespectful for him to hit on her. Prince Jowe denies ever hitting on Scarlet, saying she's not even his type. For some reason, this ignites Scarlet's ire and she argues "I am everyone's type." Prince Jowe responds "I'm not everyone."

And suddenly we see why these two can't get along. It's like the last two narcissists were left on the planet with one hand mirror to fight over. Anyway, she calls him out for calling her a ho the other night (which really is uncalled for) then says that Violet told her that Prince Jowe has the smallest penis of all her ex-boyfriends (which, correct me if I'm wrong, Violet never actually confirmed). In his interview, Prince Jowe says, "She's talking about dicks 24-7, dicks, dicks, dicks" and ponders aloud if perhaps Scarlet possesses a dick of her own. To paraphrase Reservoir Dogs, "How many dicks is that (so far)? A lot."

We cut back to the fight with Scarlet declaring that she doesn't like Korean guys and Prince Jowe stating that Korean guys don't like Chinese girls anyway which is the last straw for her. Prince Jowe takes off and says in his interview that Scarlet must be really into him. I know it's meant to be funny, but I'm kind of thinking it might be true ... Doth Prince Jowe maketh some sense?

Later at the noraebang -- which, admittedly, looks awesome because they provide their customers with tambourines -- Scarlet pulls Steve aside and explains to him and his mohawk that she overheard Joe say that Steve is jealous of Prince Jowe. She also spills the beans about Prince Jowe and Violet spending the night together.

They make it back to the group where Joe has set up soju bombs. We learn that the last person to finish their drink (Scarlet) must grant the wish of the first person to finish (Young). Young sings his wish in his best falsetto: "Lap dance" and Scarlet obliges, informing us that she worked as stripper for two years and sings in her best bass that she "knows how to get a dick hard."

While Scarlet grants Young's wish, Prince Jowe pulls out his camera and grabs some footage, which he later puts on every social media platform known to man. We then see a screen shot of a Facebook page with the uploaded video and a comment from So Young which reads "Young WTF? Call me right now!"

Does it reek of overproduction? Of course. But it doesn't really matter at this point. We anticipate the fallout in the next episode which apparently also includes a booking club and Prince Jowe telling Scarlet to "go back to Chinatown!"

If he wanted it to sound less racist, maybe he should have sung it?

K-Town airs every Wednesday on YouTube's Loud channel.

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Sylvie Kim


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