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Thursday, March 15, 2012

So You Caught Your Date in a Facebook Lie -- Here's What to Do

Posted By on Thu, Mar 15, 2012 at 8:30 AM


I've been out on five or six dates with a gentleman I met online. The dates have been good so far, so I added him as a Facebook friend and he accepted. The thing is, right before our last date, he canceled on me, saying he had a family situation to deal with. But I saw on Facebook that someone "checked him in" at a dance party. The next morning, the tag was gone. What do I do? Do I confront him about lying to me? Is it possible he was mis-tagged?

It's possible. I've certainly had a slip o' the keys on Facebook and tagged the wrong person in a photo or status (especially when using my iPhone -- apparently my thumbs are monstrous knobs of ineffectiveness). It seems to happen mostly to those who have super common names, so if your fella's name is Hazelnut, he's probably lying. Or he stars in a hilarious French butler sitcom because I literally can't imagine any other reason someone would be named Hazelnut.

Truth be told, I'm not really a huge fan of this kind of confrontation, though I do hate getting stood up for a dance party, which is always thinner than I am and has better hair. If he hasn't given you other causes for concern, it's difficult to bring up a Facebook foible such as this without coming off as kind of paranoid and insecure, especially now that the "evidence" is gone.

If you are determined to confront him, which is totally within your rights, you could ask him questions about his supposed family situation the next time you see him. It's usually pretty easy to tell when someone is lying in person. They fumble or pause or look around the room a lot, like a less-cute-because-of-the-lying spider monkey. Who knows? He might have a good excuse for blowing you off even if he was lying.

I'd give him a pass this one time, if it were me. Then I'd keep an eye out for general shadiness. If you notice that his lying is a trend and not a one-off deal, then you have my blessing to "check him into" The Dumpster, which is not an actual place but a metaphor for dumping someone.

Also, was your planned date super important? Or was it just, like, eating Birthday Cake Oreos and watching a Food Network marathon on the couch? Basically, is one missed date worth accusing him of treachery this early in the dating game? That's what I'd ponder before bringing Foursquare evidence into your love life. Especially if your other recent dates with him have been generally solid.

Speaking of online dating, did you read my review of Cupid Talks?

Social-media mistress Anna Pulley likes to give advice about how to play well with others on the internets. If you have a question about etiquette involving technology, shoot her a question at 

Follow us on Twitter: @annapulley and @ExhibitionistSF or Facebook
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