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Monday, March 5, 2012

The Ridiculous Glorious Chaos of Celebrity Apprentice

Posted By on Mon, Mar 5, 2012 at 2:08 PM

click to enlarge celeb_app.jpg

In all likelihood, one of the most broadly agreed upon opinions in this

great, oh-so-divided country of ours is that Donald Trump is a

delusional imbecile with the worst (and least convincing) comb-over in

the history of haircuts. Even if you ignore his ridiculous political

posturings recently, his obscenely racist demands for a birth

certificate from Barack Obama and his opposition to gay marriage even

though he's on his third wife, Trump is still an odious little creep of a

man. So why can't we stop watching Celebrity Apprentice?

Well, probably for the same reasons two out and proud gay men -- Clay Aiken and George Takei -- are willing to participate in a show with a homophobe overlord for a host. First of all, an absurd amount of money is raised for charity through this reality TV vehicle. The first episode of the latest season (aired February 19) raised almost half a million dollars for good causes, which is (a) enormously satisfying to watch in action and (b) fascinating. Who are these people that step forward and drop $100,000 because their famous friend asked them to? Who has that kind of cash lying around (except for Mitt Romney)?


Our love for Celebrity Apprentice can be blamed squarely on the participation of one man and one man only. We'd never watched this damn thing until Bret Michaels joined in two years ago, wowing us with an array of never-moving headscarves, an overly sensitive disposition, and an endearing passion for raising money for diabetes charities (the Poison singer has the disease). Aside from anything else, who doesn't want to watch Bret Michaels trying to function in everyday life? Did we mention he won this thing? That's because weird things happen on Celebrity Apprentice.

And therein lies the addictive property: watching (frequently minor) celebrities trying to work in teams is hilarious and frequently chaotic and compulsive viewing. Hell, even the ones you've never heard of think they're the most important person in the room -- Aubrey O'Day (yeah, we don't know who that is, either) had an abnormally inflated sense of self-importance in the Feb. 19 episode, getting all annoyed when Debbie Gibson sang as part of their team's task (Aubrey sings too, apparently). Aubrey went on to announce in an on-camera interview that she had the most Twitter followers out of everyone else there, like that was the true mark of greatness. (We're glad she uses her time productively to research such things).

Then last week, in the Feb. 26 episode, Victoria Gotti -- who has been introduced several times as an "author" (because it's probably considered rude to call her "gangster offspring") -- managed to spell the word medieval "mid-evil" when asked to do some online research, despite the fact that there were Medieval Times pamphlets sitting directly in front of her. How gloriously mortifying is that? Then Dee Snider from Twisted Sister fell off a horse, while dressed as a woman, and fractured his finger. This is a normal day on Celebrity Apprentice.

Last night's episode was the first time this season that Penn Jillette (of oddball magic duo, Penn & Teller) didn't work fire-breathing into the task. Which was a shame because this week, the teams had to create "living" shop window displays for Ivanka Trump's fashion line (yes, the product placement in this show is relentless) -- some fire would've really livened things up a bit.


Going forward, we couldn't really care less who wins this thing... as long as it's not Lou Ferrigno, who's turning out to be quite the whiny cry baby. He also insists on telling everyone he's "giving 110 per cent" every week, which is even more aggravating than all the uncomfortable boardroom moments (where Trump tries -- often successfully -- to get all the celebrities to stab each other in the back). Regardless, we'll tune in to this ridiculous thing for two hours each week... even if it is against our better judgement.  

Follow Rae Alexandra on Twitter at @raemondjjjj, SF Weeky's Exhibitionist blog at @ExhibitionistSF and like us on Facebook.

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Rae Alexandra


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