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Monday, January 23, 2012

James Franco in General Hospital: The Most Absurd Moments

Posted By on Mon, Jan 23, 2012 at 6:00 AM

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In case you're not an avid viewer of daytime televisual melodrama, you may not realize that James Franco's character in long-running soap, General Hospital, just got (dun-dun-duuuun!) killed off after over two years of sporadic and consistently ridiculous appearances. If you've never seen James Franco in General Hospital, it is highly likely that you don't give a damn about this news. But if you've never seen James Franco in General Hospital, you are probably unaware that his character in the soap was a modern artist/ serial killer (yes, you did read that right), named (this is really the cherry on top), Franco. Uh-huh. Stay with us here because it gets better.

I'd never watched General Hospital until James Franco started appearing in it and it took a while to get used to the dizzyingly insane activities of the fictional residents of Port Charles. But -- I'm reasonably ashamed to admit this -- even now Franco's no longer in it, I will probably (by "probably", I actually mean "definitely") continue watching this show, for I have come to love how utterly nonsensical and blindly entertaining this thing is. 

Not even the shame I'm faced with every time a date I've brought home finds General Hospital on my DVR and expresses disbelief will keep me away. My standard excuse -- "But James Franco's in it! It's hilarious!" -- will clearly no longer wash. As a friend very wisely put it to me recently: Soap operas are no joke. They suck you in for life. It's like those meth ads: "Not even once."

To give you some idea of how I got into this predicament, we'd like to present to you a tribute to James Franco on General Hospital. Hold tight, everybody. Things are about to get bananas.
Franco's Introduction
Here's Franco witnessing a mob shootout, pretending to be homeless, stepping on someone's neck 'til they're dead, talking to a mannequin, then getting shaved by a British lady. And yes, this was all in the same episode (you get used to it):

Franco does a Seduction, General Hospital Style
There's a blindfold, champagne, rambling conversation that goes nowhere and terrible music involved. Do yourself a favor and skip straight to 8 minutes for some of the worst dialogue ever written.

Franco Gets Proper Mental
Here, Franco simultaneously broadcasts himself all over General Hospital televisions, puts on an art show and mentally tortures several residents of Port Charles. Oh, all that stuff around the 7-minute mark about new friends and showering? That's about how Franco had the eighteen-year-old son of a mob boss raped in prison. Then he murders a cameraman. Didn't we tell you this show was awesome?

James Franco Makes Fun of Himself for No Plot-Related Reason Whatsoever
So, by now, you've gathered -- from the conceptual art stuff and, well, the name of his character -- that James Franco is not averse to doing a bit of post-modern, self-referential stuff for General Hospital. That all reached its zenith early last year when he appeared, with no real plot purpose whatsoever, to make thinly-veiled references to 127 Hours and his Oscars presenting job. Check out the hilarious self-portraits.

Franco Dies. Boooooo.
See, Jason "Stonecold" Morgan kills Franco here because Franco recently drugged and raped Jason's new wife while they were on their honeymoon in Hawaii (Franco's kinda big on raping people), resulting in one of those soap pregnancies when no one knows who the father is (we still don't actually). We're secretly hoping he's not really dead and will re-emerge again in a few months (when the baby's born?). For now, we'll just enjoy the flashbacks General Hospital is so fond of giving us. Farewell Franco! (We think...)


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