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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Sweet Spot: Regarding the Vagina, "Tend to Your Own Garden"

Posted By on Wed, Jan 18, 2012 at 8:30 AM


Regular and rampant orgasms are good for the body in all kinds of ways. Oh, to great and glorious sex. And lots of it. It burns calories and tones the thighs. It makes our hair shinier and our skin sweeter. It can cure anxiety, depression, acne, and the occasional headache. In short, good sex is a cure for almost all ills.

click to enlarge ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

But at the risk of sounding like those beautiful people in organic cotton who want to talk to you about yeast infections, those pesky vagina issues are truly a drag. Vaginas are very sensitive and need be cared for. A balanced life is recommended by most, especially when it comes to pH equilibrium. And for those who regularly use condoms to guard against those other consequences of frequent frolicking, then sadly, there is an even greater risk for alkaline awkwardness.

What can be done about it? It can be so frustrating to suddenly find a great lover who you then have to stay away from for days due to vaginosis. Each body is different, and so there is no one method for dealing with the risk of vagina wackiness. But there are a few precautions one can take.

First, the obvious. One of the most effective ways to ensure a yeast-free life is to pee after sex. It is so nice to purr and cuddle post-coitally, especially when the night is cold, but it is vital to get that happy, satisfied ass up and head to the head.

Do I need to add that drinking a lot of water (yet not sparkling -- yeast infections love bubbles) is very important? I like a few glasses of whiskey as a prelude to loving as much as the next person, but while it can produce a delicious glow throughout the body, it tends to dry out those tender parts. Plants need watering, and so do we. Watering and good, fresh air. Those sparkling, synthetic thongs are fun, but Lady Cunt adores cotton.

For those into more adventurous sexual antics involving, ahem, the back door, then cleanliness is key. Pesky bacteria just love to get up in there and wreak havoc.

Follow these simple suggestions and you're more likely to keep enjoying the delights of the sack without annoying complications. However, if despite all of best efforts you find yourself fully in the throes -- not of ecstasy but itchy, burning, uncomfortable pain, then there are a few methods that can help, after the fact but before you make an appointment at the clinic.

Water again. And lots of it. Mix it with pure cranberry juice and you have a cocktail that makes vaginas very happy. And then there is yogurt. "Topical and/or internal to the part in question, and oral application of plain yogurt. I swear it works!" says Beth Plata. Another woman suggested dipping a tampon into yogurt, then freeze and insert. I have not personally tried this but it would at least be a funny story to tell even if it doesn't work. "What did you do today?" "I stuck a frozen, yogurt-covered tampon up my vagina. And just for good measure, I also added a clove of garlic".

click to enlarge Elephant garlic
  • Elephant garlic

Which leads to our next suggested cure. Garlic, it seems, like good sex, is good for just about everything.

There are many different healing solutions suggested on the Internet. Most of them seem about as effective as having a shaman chant into your pubic hair, but every single site has this to say about douching: bad, very bad. Your vagina likes to take care of you, and it has what it needs to do so as long as you treat it nicely. Douching is like eating chocolate and then rinsing it down with a hefty swig of rubbing alcohol. Our parts are already clean enough thank you very much, even if they occasionally become temperamental.

Good sex, after all, doesn't merely come from rigorous joining together of parts. Knowing your body and caring for it is essential. The vagina is a flora of delights and so in the words of Voltaire in Candide, ou l'Optimisme, "Tend to your own garden."



The Sweet Spot is a blog column about alternative sexuality by Ginger Murray who is also the editor of Whore! magazine. Check back next week for more.

Follow us on Twitter at @ExhibitionistSF and like us on Facebook.

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Ginger Murray


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